Wazikaze

2010-11-23T23:30:00.001-08:00

My brother Matthew has started a fun blog of his instrument repair journeys http://wasmundmusic.blogspot.com/. It's enjoyable even if you don't know what goes into a flute, trumpet, or saxophone (besides air, of course). He has handy pictures of his handy-man times so that the ignorant may mimic his skilled work.

This forced me to take stock of my current blog situations. February 2010 was my last entry I think.

I will write this entry and probably not write again for a few more months. It's sort of like how a snake eats only periodically, but when it does eat – watch out!

Watch out.

What's been going on? WHAT?

Festivals, dreams, sleep, work.

I've started another project that I will hopefully remember to post about here.

Otherwise…

I just did laundry.

Watch out.

Indie Slate issue #59

2010-02-04T08:37:00.000-08:00

It's out! The article on The Grover Complex that I wrote for Indie Slate magazine is now in stores.

The article looks great thanks to the pictures taken by Dan Blanchett. If you're in the LA area the magazine should be available at most newsstands and book stores. Through the greater US and Canada you can find the magazine at Borders and Barnes and Noble. If it's not in your particular store you can order through the magazine's website www.indieslate.com

We're so happy to have a "Reel Life Story" on our film in Indie Slate as we work hard to spread the Grover word.

The best to all this holiday season!

"The Grover Complex" official site

2010-02-01T14:55:00.000-08:00

Hey all!

The official site for The Grover Complex is up and running at www.thegrovercomplex.com

Go there to read about cast, crew, and anything else your heart desires. We've also got a "news" blog there we'll be updating soon with exciting bits.

2010-01-21T10:30:00.001-08:00

For a while I thought that karma was unable to operate in the entertainment industry. I think it's hindered but it can pop up now and then. Money can beat it down, or bribe it perhaps. Drugs can block it out. A lot of sociopaths don't notice when karma's giving them a kick in the ass, so those who deserve to get the righteous (sadistic) joy from it miss out.

I can feel it sometimes. Some burst of desperation from some place other than my own mind or some sigh of defeat when my mouth is closed. I wonder who it's from. I, like most people, have been terribly wronged once or twice or more. More.

I don't actively seek any one of those people's downfalls. I've stopped waiting for it too. Revenge requires too much effort. I'll find out about it months later, (but then, of course, it's still new to me which equals still nice).

If I don't cause it then I can enjoy it without guilt. Arguments?

My thought for how some people keep karma away for longer periods of time than they deserve is the skillful art of playing the victim. When I came to CA I gathered several friends who did just that. For the longest time they were roommates/close friends of mine. My heart ached for them, these wronged people whom life seemed to shit on. This wasn't their fault, that wasn't their fault, life was out to get them, so and so was out to get them, Mommy was mean, Daddy went away, classmates ignored them, no one respected them, friends stole their money, la di da. You get the picture.

Pretty soon, not surprisingly, as I became suspicious or just too tired to be tolerant I began to wrong them. I was mean, I left them out, I took their money (that I had lent to them by the by), I did this, I did that, I did things I have no idea that I did.

I'm not an angel but I'm not incapable of taking honest stock of my actions.

The worst thing, as I go back over my constantly victimized friends' lists of victimization, is that I actually have had worse things happen to me. Things that aren't open to interpretation or in any way could be my fault. I don't talk about them. Some of my close friends don't even know about them and I like it that way, I hate getting pity over those events. But, for several years, I surrounded myself with people who milked pity from every tragic teat, no matter how tiny.

That brings me back to the karma. I think wannabe victims can throw karma off. I think karma hovers around them and waits… and thinks about moving in… but can't because how do you hit someone who works so hard to be mistreated with more mistreatment, however deserved? Their bluff throws karma off.

I have many friends who deserve to have good things happen to them and some of them are getting it and some of them are not. I'm not sure why the ones who aren't getting it are getting shafted. I tell myself that things are coming for them soon but I don't know if they are or not.

I am lucky that good things have continued to stay in motion for Fernando and myself. Is it as fast as I want? No. But it's not stopped, which is more than some are experiencing right now. I know we will get there. And nothing has gone badly for either one of us. Certain things have looked bad but have almost magically turned around or have become conveniently obsolete.

So for my friends, I ask karma for a little consideration. For those not on my good listed… I'm not asking and don't tell me.

But I will find out.

A project enters puberty!

2009-10-20T23:43:00.001-07:00

So… we're now beginning work on our next project. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not going into details about the concept or plot since I've had things "borrowed" in the past and recently… but, I will say it's a web-series.

What?

Yes, yes, but we're shooting 20 minute episodes with the idea of being more appealing to sponsors and more easily making the crossover to TV.

I'm close to having a draft of episode one ready to present to people for gutting. I've also got a very solid base for the first two seasons and the world of the series. (One would hope, right?)

Several roles are already cast. Cart before the horse? Nah.

Several key crew member roles already set too. As we get closer we hope to grab some more people we've worked with in the past.

More news soon!

An anniversary

2009-10-13T02:33:00.001-07:00

The 12^th was the one year anniversary of "The Grover Complex". One year ago we fired up the RED One camera and spent the next 15 days shooting a feature film. Kick ass experience. At the time I wanted to die/thought I would die from various stomach ailments brought on by severe anxiety but what I've learned from the entire situation has been priceless. I've encountered so many people I can count on and I'm grateful for that.

On this anniversary we actually did have some pretty encouraging news. When and if I can post it I'll post it. I'm not making something up… I just can't talk about it because it isn't officially real yet. Get it?

The day was pretty slow because of Columbus Day. I forgot about the holiday, I used to love it because I confused the name of the holiday with the city Columbus, OH that I lived next to when I was a wee one.

Last night I had a fabulous dream about training a T-Rex to be an ultimate fighter. Before he went into battle I painted him with a tiny brush using the paint I used on my table-top models back in MN. The painting of my T-Rex helped to establish trust between us. I trusted that he would go into the ring and kill various foes put up against him. He was a very cuddly dinosaur and I hope he comes back tonight.

I then had a dream I was given a large two bedroom apartment for no charge. Down in the parking lot of this apartment was a moving truck full of wonderful things from my past, furniture I hadn't seen in years, couches I remember from a house I left when I was 7. I was thrilled.

I have a pretty good memory when I want to. I know old phone numbers and addresses from the several houses I've lived in. 11 places now I think? This includes my apartments and college dorms in the mix. It might be more than 11... To get to the point of my comments about my memory I recently found the first house I lived in on Google maps and it was beyond depressing. My parents put in fabulous gardens in this house along with a picture window, new driveway, this adorable crab apple tree and an orchard of apples and pears. ALL GONE TO SHIT. I was enraged until I realized I left this place 19 years ago. I'm 26 now, I'm not the 7 year old who got to enjoy all of this. The strange thing though is that sometimes this place pops into my head clearer than the apartment I lived in for 2 years in MN. Or, even the houses I lived in in MN. When I have dreams of my childhood they're either in Worthington or the first house we lived in on Park Street in Van Wert, OH or our house in Albion, MI. For the most part I've seemed to have Mr. Cleaned MN from my mind. It used to make me sad but now I simply think it's to make room for things that are happening here.

Sleeping pills

2009-10-12T02:49:00.001-07:00

I had a really exciting dream last night where I had a new home in the sewer. For those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle 2 fans you may know of the wonders I speak of. This wasn't a home of putrid water and rats, it was a place of luxury. When I turned knobs and levers new rooms opened that I could explore; these rooms were already decorated with the finest discarded junk money would not want to buy.

I was happy there exploring my endless stretch of pipes. Before I went to bed I was playing a video game where I was clearing nasty beings from a sewer, I guess I was making it safe for the citizens of the town to truly enjoy it. I attribute this wonderful dream to the sleeping pills I took before bed. Tonight I am taking more.

Fernando and I are going to try some meditations to help us live to be 100. Also to block out negative energy, stress, you name it. I'm hoping for this invisible shield of meditation power that halts everything unpleasant.

To aid more in blocking out negatives, Fern and I left Facebook a while back. I do "re-activate" every now and then to update things with good news but so far I've been pretty happy to be off. Am I a hypocrite by still staying on Twitter? Eh, no? It doesn't feel like the same kind of self-love. I don't feel myself drawn in to checking up on people I don't really enjoy.

A Raw Food Diet book came to the apartment Saturday. I did in fact order it. I am thinking about it. My cousin, Jerome, swears by the diet. I am inclined to trust Jerome because we are genetically more similar than friends I have. I will probably leaf through the book a few more times, put it away for two weeks and then try it for two days in the future. I'm looking forward to that.

I've finished two more writing pieces: a short story and a personal essay. Tomorrow or the next day (a few days after) I will put them into the mail and then wait a long time to hopefully hear that they will appear in print in several months. I'm still waiting for the other pieces that were accepted to come out. The wait between acceptance and print sort of kills a bit of the joy from every piece I've had published. It makes me miss smaller newspapers where I could send in an opinion piece and see it in that week. We're slowly learning patience.

I think blogging is the only place where you can safely have "I" everywhere. I hope it is.

My mother pointed out some delicious karma the other day. Since I had no part in this person's misstep, that they are now trying to expunge from their record, I can sit back and enjoy it without guilt.

People can play and play the victim but that doesn't mean they're believable in their part.

Yes, that previous sentence is connected to the sentence before; I wanted them on different lines for the effect.

The sleeping pills have really been taking a position of authority in these last few minutes. Tonight I'm hoping for something like in-air dragon fights for the theatrics that play behind my closed eyes.

So... how's it going?

2009-10-09T17:54:00.000-07:00

I like Twitter. I was down on it for a bit a month ago until I actually figured out how it worked. Imagine that.

People are friendly. People are freindly on Twitter, people are friendly on Myspace. Not so much Facebook. Some people might disagree, go ahead.

Anyway, genuine interest for The Grover Complex and DTA has come from Twitter (and Myspace for Grover). I figured I should update.

Grover has been doing well. I say this after getting less than positive news from the monster festivals. But, as it's been explained to us it's a teen comedy about a guy and his penis and it has no names... were we expecting a miracle?

Yes.

But we've moved on from help from the Divine.

We're now going towards smaller more appropriate festivals. We've also been talking to publicists. We've received requests from people to review the film which is exciting. We're a little back and forth on whether or not we should do this yet before we actually premiere... I will keep you updated. I will definitely let you know when we're accepted.

Regardless, the support we've received from people has been exciting. We do get down on days when it feels like no one cares but thankfully a day or two later we can count on a boost from some unexpected source.

Has what we want to happen happened yet? No. But we're learning a lot and we're happy for that, lame as that sounds. I'm being sincere there.

Several people on Twitter have asked if there will be a second season of DTA. No. DTA was a fun project with a great cast and crew but there will not be a continuation.

I do have another web-show that I'm working on getting going. YES, in my previous post I said I wasn't doing web. Now I think it might actually be the way to go with this project. There's been a push to have longer episodes for web-series and this one would work very well in the range of 15-20 minute episodes.

I will talk endlessly about it when it happens.

Thanks to everyone interested! Very appreciated. :)

Recent news

2009-10-06T18:47:00.000-07:00

To start off with some pretty good news the web-series I created and wrote won two merit awards from the Accolade Competition. It won for the series and for the writing. I was told by the competition president that they have several web-series entering the competition but I only saw DTA as a winner in that category. Considering how people usually view web-series (not very seriously), I’m happy with the results. That it won an award for the writing definitely makes me feel pretty happy.

Another positive is that the project should now be eligible to go up on IMDb. That concern might sound lame to some, hey, we’ve all got our priorities. People like IMDb credits here; they use it to measure success/value/ are-you-worth-their-time/etc. I did projects for free in order to get IMDb credits… sadly they never panned out so all I pulled from them was experience. EXPERIENCE, bleh. ;) As I’ve applied for other jobs in entertainment I have gotten the question 95% of the time, “how many IMDb credits do you have?” Is it sad that things seem to operate that way? It’s life.

Web-series are notoriously hard to get up on IMDb because IMDb is pretty wary of them. I’m mixed on this. I’m well aware that the web is over-saturated with series that easily show why these people haven’t yet found jobs in tv or film. There are, however, great series on the web where people put even more effort into them than short films/tv pilots that seem to go up so easily. With so few competitions that judge web-series there’s sadly not an easy way for series to gain credibility.

Some of the latest series that were picked up by web-series stations seemed to have been picked up solely for the number of hits. I won’t use names and I’m well aware people can just say I’m jealous/bitter but a lot of them simply seem limited to crass humor/recycled gags. There are great series out there! Many, many great series where the cast and crew work their asses off but if they don’t get over 10,000 hits then forget about it, no station will be open to negotiating with you. That’s unfortunate but I suppose that’s every other medium as well. The web does feel a little bit more like a high school popularity contest than film or tv though.

I’m glad DTA has received two awards and I’m glad to have learned from it as I begin work on my next few projects which won’t be web-related. Do I sound prickly? My apologies. I did just sort of bitch for a paragraph because I failed to properly market a series. ;)

For those wondering Fernando and I are hoping to begin pre-production on a feature length script of mine in spring by the latest. I’m also very set on a pilot for a television series I’ve plotted out. This one we are sort of thinking of shooting in a way that would allow it to be converted to a web-series if it fails to get picked up. I don't mean to diminish the web to fall-back status, I do think there is a future in web entertainment, I just haven’t figured out how to make it work for me yet. For those who have, congrats!

Congrats to all the friends and acquaintances who’ve had luck with festivals and competitions lately. I don’t think people in independent film/web-tv/tv ever get the pat on the back that they deserve. Too many people look at the arts and think “free-spirited slacker” instead of thinking about the 12+ hour days people pull out here.

P.S. A correction for the Accolade Awards on the awards page. We were unfortunately labeled some unknown production company name of "T.G.L. Films". It should be Claire Wasmund/Moctod Entertainment (Director Karen Bullis' prod comp). It should be fixed soon.

Best of luck to all!

Blip

2009-10-03T13:18:00.001-07:00

I am a slacker.

There's been so much to distract me lately. The movie, future projects… the disrespect of our country's national anthem.

Yes.

The Star-Spangled Banner is not something for performers to show off on. It's not meant to be yelled and embellished by vocal trills that make it unrecognizable. It's not their song that they're covering and interpreting. It's the country's song that they're lucky enough to get to sing.

Respect it, please.

An opportnity missed.

2009-09-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

Right.

Last night we watched a Sundance darling involving Mexicans crossing a river. It also had gang violence just to make it that much more Mexican.

Fernando, (a Mexican), was unmoved by the film. For me, I thought it was perhaps a language barrier since I'm an ignorant-one-language-only-American. Fernando, (a Mexican), (also a native Spanish speaker), was still unmoved by the film.

When we looked at a few more film festival sites to see what trailers they had posted we saw many more Latin Films dealing with river crossing and poverty. All we could think was, "If only The Grover Complex had some sort of river crossing or poverty." I mean, we already have Fernando, (a Mexican) in our film, if we had Grover cross a swimming pool or something like that maybe we could have made Grover into a true Latin Film.

Sadly, festivals don't seem to fill their ethnic quotas with Mexican Americans.

A Poetry Update

2009-09-15T15:40:00.001-07:00

I'm happy to announce that two of my poems, "Proposing to a Young Man with a Ring Pop" and "1-800-Flowers" will be appearing in an issue of the poetry magazine "Breadcrumb Scabs". http://www.breadcrumbscabs.com/current.html

The magazine is available in print.

I'll be sure to update with further details!

A decision

2009-09-08T21:19:00.000-07:00

"...But what I really want to do is direct..."

Which is what I've now decided I am going to be doing.

Basically, what I want to do is write, direct and produce. Sometimes I want to act as well but I'll never tackle all four at once. I can show SOME restraint.

I have a writing seminar this weekend and a film-making seminar in a few weeks. I've been feeling optimistic for the first time in a while.

Concerned for Americans

2009-09-07T22:03:00.000-07:00

Some people on YouTube believe The Onion news stories are actual news stories. Several people who were upset by this asked the confused to please go jump off of a bridge. They were given "thumbs down" on their comments. I hope the people who gave "thumbs down" on the "jump off a bridge comments" find themselves living next door to the people who believe The Onion videos are real very soon.

Poetry

2009-09-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

An art form that the privileged and pretentious use to try to prove that something in life has indeed happened to them.

Behold! A hedgehog warrior!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-02T23:02:00.001-07:00

The fires

2009-09-02T00:42:00.000-07:00

I'm going to blame the smoke and ash for having nothing to say today. Honestly I have a nasty headache. I don't get migraines very often since leaving MN but today and maybe creeping in yesterday... ouch. Ouch.

It's like someone turned off half of my brain.

I will let this Onion video speak for me...

Californians Gather To Celebrate Annual Wildfire Tradition

Lovely critters

2009-08-31T23:55:00.001-07:00

A great diver, near perfect 10.

2009-08-31T23:24:00.001-07:00

Always a fun read.

2009-08-31T23:12:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090831/sc_livescience/whatmakesapsychopathanswersremainelusive

What Makes a Psychopath? Answers Remain Elusive

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Charles Q. Choi
Special to LiveScience
LiveScience.com – Mon Aug 31, 12:06 pm ET

As exaggerated as many popular depictions of psychopaths often are, many nevertheless do pose a genuine danger to others. So what makes psychopaths the way they are?

Scientists are now working toward uncovering the roots of this disorder in the brain. Their research could lead to ways to intervene against the disorder and hopefully prevent it from manifesting.

But answers remain elusive, in part because it's no easy (or safe) task to study the brain of the typical psychopath.

"Psychopaths are often big trouble for those around them," said clinical psychologist Joseph Newman at theUniversity of Wisconsin. "If we can find out what underlies their problems, we might be able to identify what kinds of interventions might be able to work for them."

Who they are

Psychopaths are thought to make up as much as roughly 1 percent of the general populace and up to 25 percent of the prison population.

"Criminal psychopaths are about three times more likely to commit violence than other offenders and about two-and-a-half times more likely to commit other antisocial acts such as lying and sexual exploitation," Newman explained.

"Although not all psychopaths are violent, their kind of behavior is very destructive socially, and hurts our trust of other people," he added. "And many people in prison who might otherwise be treated sympathetically aren't given the chance they deserve because people have trouble distinguishing them from true psychopaths."

Scientists investigating the disorder commonly agree that psychopaths are often marked by the following traits:

Lack of empathy, guilt, conscience or remorse

Shallow experiences of feelings or emotions

Impulsivity and a weak ability to defer gratification and control behavior

Superficial charm and glibness

Irresponsibility and a failure to accept responsibility for their actions

A grandiose sense of their own worth

"There are people who are impulsive, at high risk of substance abuse, who are high in emotionality, whom many people call psychopaths, but that is more what we'd call an externalizing syndrome," Newman said. Many scientists researching psychopathy see it as an emotionally cold disorder.

What's going on

When it comes to locating the areas in the brain where psychopathy might have its roots, scientists have a number of suspects. One brain region less active in psychopaths is the amygdala, which is normally linked with fear.

"There's a lot of history regarding psychopathy as a disorder of fear," Newman said. "Fear is what keeps the rest of us in line, helps us learn what society wants us to do and not do to keep us out of trouble, and the idea is that psychopaths do whatever they want to do."

Another brain area that scientists have probed in psychopaths is the orbital frontal cortex or regions within it, as damage there leads to poor decision making, "which could be a plausible model of psychopathy," Newman explained.

Neuroscientist Kent Kiehl at the University of New Mexico suggests psychopathy is rooted in the "paralimbic system." Included within this network of brain regions are the amygdala and orbital frontal cortex, as well as other areas involved with emotions, inhibitions and attention.

Although regions linked with feelings often receive a great deal of attention in research into psychopathy, there are hints the disorder impacts more than just emotions. "Studies have shown psychopaths can have trouble processing words dealing with abstract concepts or emotional content," Newman said. "When investigating psychopathy, you want to look at the full range of deficits that are present, not just the emotional ones, to really account for what might be going on."

Nature vs. nurture

Past research, including studies with twins, suggest there is a genetic predisposition to psychopathy. Still, it remains uncertain how much their environment influences the development of the disorder. "Just because one has a predisposition doesn't mean that they have to end up behaving that way," Newman said.

It remains hard to get to the root of psychopathy, since the most recognizable group of psychopaths are criminals, "and bringing prisoners out to get their brains scanned puts a lot of people in risk, so it's very complicated to do," Newman said.

Still, understanding the roots of psychopathy in the brain hopefully will lead "to an ability to identify and negate the problem,," Newman said. "By finding out what predisposes someone toward psychopathy and how these vulnerabilities interact with the environment to give rise to a full-blown case of the disorder, I believe one might be able to prevent the unfortunate development of psychopathy."

Myspace... who knew?

2009-08-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to reach out to people for viewer-ship for Grover and DTA we went back to an old friend: Myspace.

So far we've easily beat the total fans we have on Facebook in TWO DAYS on Myspace. Plus... they're so friendly! I have great friends on Facebook but in terms of reaching out to folk I don't know... forget it. Myspace they accept you and they're positive in comments.

I also forgot how many neat features Myspace has in terms of searching and interacting with people.

Myspace is apparently not quite as dead as they claim.

It had to be done

2009-08-31T01:02:00.000-07:00

The unnecessary and unwarranted one paragraph bio about what you do, "blah blah...that's what I do as a lawyer, fight the good fight against those corporations...blah blah" on the status of a friend who certainly knows what you do after I commented, was laughable. The continual wall posts after my wall posts on the pages of mutual friends were far too often to be coincidence. Not to mention other acts that I suspect but can't prove have left me with little choice but to revert to my more youthful and immature years. If you stalk me here too then know that "yes, you were blocked on Facebook".

If I wanted to be in contact with you I wouldn't have ignored your attempts at communication. Don't force me to see you any more than mutual circles require me to. Please move on, because I certainly have.

Reed this artical

2009-08-30T21:46:00.001-07:00

It explains the spelling in the title...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/30/us/30rondthaler.html

An Alteration

2009-08-23T22:41:00.001-07:00

I have decided to get a separate blog for "business".

I had a thought as I thought about things to write incoherently that maybe this blog isn't the best one to link up to people who are looking at me from a professional angle...

The new blog is called "Claire's Grown-Up Blog" and I promise to move all helpful posts to that one and reserve this one solely for posts that won't mean anything to anyone but me.

I make that vow.

One of my favorite Onion Videos

2009-08-21T00:35:00.000-07:00

Replaced my last post to avoid "sucking up".

Enjoy this Onion Video!

My article is up already

2009-08-17T12:40:00.000-07:00

Check out my article on Fernando in L.A. Splash Magazine!

Go here.

Here's the summary:

Fernando Noor, Making The Grover Complex - Taking the Initiative in Hollywood

Acting is brave, especially when you write a movie and play the part of a guy who thinks his penis is too small; any guy would tell you that’s brave. That’s exactly what Fernando Noor did

The Human Family Tree Main Page- National Geographic Channel

2009-08-17T11:31:00.001-07:00

The Human Family Tree main page provides articles and tools to help you find out where you are from.

View >>

Another article, another plan

2009-08-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

I try to push the tackiness of writing our own press out of my head. It's very hard to get press when you haven't already had some and there are so many people out here begging for any sort of coverage. Good luck getting into the door until you've blown it off.

I've joined this online magazine where I have written an article on Fernando (which sort of means another article on Grover) but then I hope to write a few articles on there that are completely unrelated to Grover. I have some friends with cool groups that would probably make very interesting stories... I hope. Fernando's story is actually a pretty heartwarming one after I wrote it up. Who knew. ;)

Hopefully this and my article in Indie Slate (a print magazine) will give someone else a starting place to write us up. My best friend, Mia, is also going to give us some coverage.

Like I said, after this Fern article I'm going to write up a few more on some other topics to try and get my portfolio back on track. Producing can take a toll on the writing career... but at least it's fun.

Feeling content

2009-08-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to adopt this new attitude and trying to stop stressing about people who have disappointed me. It seems like here (and I'm sure everywhere else) people really strive to remain "victims" for as long as possible. They can bail on you for any number of important activities and still in the end the more creative ones can come up with a reason of how you've wronged them.

Basically now I think "why worry?". There are around 3.8 million people in L.A. Someone pisses you off, someone doesn't do their job you can and SHOULD just go get someone else.

Just writing that makes me feel better. :)

My mother has moved

2009-08-15T04:03:00.000-07:00

My lovely mother has moved from her home on College street in Duluth. She stayed around two years longer than she had originally planned to.

The current fashion with the present economy is to be thrifty. My mother was not in style in her four bedroom home with no children left to fill it. She's now down one bedroom but up in social hipness.

Good move.

I know she's a little sad about leaving College street. It was a great house but based on the reasons I gave above I know it to be the best decision.

My love to my former home. I didn't have the greatest years of my life in Minnesota... but I wish it the best.

A post from a film blog I enjoy

2009-08-15T03:58:00.000-07:00

I just found this to be a good post. Enjoy.

http://trulyfreefilm.blogspot.com/2009/08/revolution-within-revolution-is-still.html#links

Just like college students...

2009-08-15T03:06:00.000-07:00

The Grover Complex blog and website

2009-08-13T03:31:00.001-07:00

I've been building a website for The Grover Complex. It's about time it got one. There's still the Grover Blog which I update periodically. Read it.

http://thegrovercomplex.blogspot.com/

In other news I'm really happy to see that Ian Kramer has decided to follow my blog. That is the first person besides me who is following my blog. My mom says she reads it and she commented once and some other people read it and occasionally I get new stats that say people read it but other than that I have no evidence.

Thanks, Ian.

Back to the fucking Grover website. It's all WYSSYG or whatever it is so it's not like I'm doing code there's just so much and so much that could potentially suck about it. So far it doesn't seem to suck. I'm following the advice of several indie film books during my website creation. Most of them say don't make it flashy, make it as easy to navigate as possible. I can do this. They also say provide everything the press might possibly want about your film in easily downloadble form. This way the press does not have to do any work and they may look upon you more favorably. I can do this too. The only finger anyone will have to lift while visiting the Grover site is to click their mouse onto the link for the next page!

I bolded that last bit because I found it so clever.

As 4am rolls around and I am once again not in bed I do look over my blog entries for various mistakes with alarm. I tell myself that this is a blog and I am free to express myself here with run-on-sentences and invented hypenations. I am free.

Night night.

Reposting my web series

2009-08-13T03:12:00.000-07:00

Click To Play

I've been trying to get this into a few contests. The majority of web-content... well... some people work really hard sub-conscientiously to let you know why they're stuck doing only web-content.

I just sounded like an arrogant bitch. I'm not. Or maybe I sounded like one but it doesn't mean I am one.

Of course I'd advise anyone who hasn't watched the web-series to get to episode 5, that seems to be a favorite. Don't skip to episode 5, watch them all through (and 6 too).

Enjoy.

A must watch - the most important video I've seen

2009-08-12T03:50:00.001-07:00

Thoughts of wilderness survival

2009-08-12T03:01:00.001-07:00

Fernando and I have given a lot of thought recently to wilderness survival classes. Maybe it's due to how Southern California is fairing economically, maybe it's a rebellion to too much time in front of a screen. Whatever it is we'd like to build a little shelter somewhere, hunt for berries, be bitten by bugs, the whole ordeal. We'd like to do it. I'm sure it's a phase and will leave us before we actually sign up for a class. Regardless it's good to know that we'd like to know what to do when the shit hits the fan.

We also watched the entire series of The Sopranos. Big smile. It was Fern's 4^th time through. After watching The Sopranos we finished up Battlestar. I guess I'm a little confused by everyone loving the series finale of BSG so much. It was sort of like how much sappy emotion can we throw at our viewers? And also the question of can we make them ok with these tech savvy people joining the tribal communities of primitive man? They could not make me ok with it. I did not find it beautiful I found it ridiculous. I think the writers overstepped.

You can disagree with my thoughts here but I don't give a shit. Certain parts of that show… the last half of the series and then that whole earlier bit with the arrow and tomb… I don't know what to say about them. I think part of the mistake is that they repeat beats over and over and over again because they think the audience won't remember (or because they're really stretching in justifying a character's action) but what they don't realize is that we're not all idiots and that I can indeed remember on my own that event from last season or last show which they felt the need to reference four times.

If it's well written you don't need to remind me, if it is well written I will accept it.

Back to wilderness survival...

……………..

…………….

I just ate a trail mix bar so I guess that sort of puts me in the right mind set.

We went out to see the meteors tonight but LA made that a bit difficult. I tried, I squinted, I think I saw one? But we tried; the meteors know we made the effort and what more can one do? We drove on scary dark roads and parked on the shoulder, one of us would look for bright flashy streaks the other one would look for potential murderers, we saw neither.

Night night.

I only write here to talk about myself

2009-08-12T01:48:00.001-07:00

I don't know. My updates here are really infrequent and are limited to what I am doing elsewhere. But… I'll try.

So, I've been looking into a lot of indie film organizations, screenwriter groups, and women in film groups to be a part of. I always pause about joining women in film groups or women in anything groups. Yeah, I do think we've got a harder road in some ways… but I think we sort of make that for ourselves, or I guess our relatives/influences help us make that for ourselves with various cultural histories/housewife plans. If you make it you should make it on your own merit, not because you're the poster child for some oppressed group. That being said, and those women in anything groups now being slightly insulted I wouldn't mind joining up.

I really gave a lot of thought to rewriting that paragraph or removing it but then I became worried I'd again have no blog entry.

We've been meeting with producer reps for The Grover Complex (that movie I produced http://pro.imdb.com/title/tt1330026/ …Yeah, I went there.) We have had positive reactions to the film but of course the comment that there are no stars in our feature. All I can tell them is that in a year there will be stars in our feature once they release it. All I can tell them is that in a confident voice, with a pleasant smile and strategic flip of my hair. Grover will not be denied. There was an offer to rep it but it was sort of a hidden offer to rape us and so we turned it down… sadly. Our other offer is contingent on us breaking into festivals which I feel confident we will do.

I've completed the first act of my screenplay. I have completed the first act of this script for about the 4^th time. The 2^nd and 3^rd act have been repeated a little less frequently which is why there is not a finished script yet. I have been outlining, I have made notes, note cards, diagrams and other bullshit. I get other ideas while I write, ones that sadly stay hidden while I am doing the actual brainstorming. The sneaky motherfuckers.

So… so… there's this script which I am aiming to have a draft done by the 19^th. Once I have a few drafts of this one I will finish my television pilot; it too has several versions of act 1. My other plan is to attend this weekly free acting class so I can become a better writer/producer/future director. I'm trying to get a scholarship to take another film class, either on producing or directing. I sort of need a screenwriting refresher but that's why I have Fernando, Mia, and Chad.

Hmmmm….

At the moment I have optimism which will hopefully be bolstered by a meteor shower. Streaks of happy light.

Good for something

2009-07-27T00:51:00.001-07:00

It's nice to know that one thing I can always count on getting from people is bullshit.

Why would I be happy about getting this? It eases boredom.

This sort of thing, if you let it hit you the right way it doesn't stain and then you can have a good laugh later.

I had a laugh at the expense of a big puffy man who works hard to find ways to keep inflating himself. I can still see him in his khakis, puffing out his chest, sweating, and fixing his too tight pants. If you ever x-rayed his shoulder I'm sure there'd be some permanent dent in the bone from him patting himself on the back so often.

I'm sure we all know him or someone like him.

A screening!

2009-07-21T02:01:00.000-07:00

We had the cast and crew screening for The Grover Complex!

You know that indie movie I've been talking about;) (By the way, you can find the teaser here: YouTube, Yahoo, MySpace, DailyMotion and Veoh
and the trailer here:YouTube, Yahoo, MySpace, DailyMotion and Veoh )

Now that that's out of the way... ;p

I think the cast and crew were really surprised with how well it turned out. We filmed it so quickly there was little time to think and with the surface subject matter I know a lot of people thought it would be this raunchy little flick but it's actually quite sweet.

It was quite kick ass to see everyone again. Several people I'd love to work with another time as we try and get our next project moving.

The Grover Complex Teaser!

2009-07-18T03:09:00.001-07:00

Here's the teaser to the independent movie I produced called The Grover Complex. This teaser was edited by Michael Darrow, features music from Brandon K. Verrett, and has voice over from Tony Azzolino. Enjoy!

The Grover Complex Teaser

Getting published!

2009-07-14T01:06:00.000-07:00

Yay! An article I wrote for Indie Slate Magazine on our movie The Grover Complex is being published in their #59 issue!

In this article I go into the production of The Grover Complex in some sort of plea for sympathy. I ask everyone to acknowledge how hard I worked in hopes of getting some long desired pat on the back. I also make an attempt to get some praise for most of the other people involved. That's what I'm here for. ;)

In all seriousness I'm really pleased about this. I'm hoping it will get the movie some well deserved publicity that we're not going to have to pay for.

This week I'm working hard on some interviews and another article for some more magazines. I'd like to interview Fernando, Heather (who played "Bambi"), and our editor Michael Darrow.

I'm also trying to get our web series Delayed Teen Angst some more publicity through some planned press releases, reviews, and good-old-fashioned mass emails.

With the last several months (year maybe) of insanity from bad roommates, bad friends, bad economy, it definitely creates an urgency in trying to get as much done as possible.

At the moment I'd love to do a second season of Delayed Teen Angst or possibly tweak it into a more sitcom style show. I also have my elf drama and then of course the screenplay I've been kicking around forever.

Eh, we'll see. We'll see. :)

My favorite video game

2009-07-14T01:00:00.001-07:00

Delayed Teen Angst news

2009-07-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

We've added Delayed Teen Angst to Blip.tv. You can find it here:

http://delayedteenangst.blip.tv/

We unfortunately ran into trouble with the Youtube counter for our DTA page there and Youtube hasn't been very helpful in correcting this.

Through Blip.tv the plan is to get DTA on iTunes for free podcast download. It's a project we're proud of and the more we can get it out the better.

There's also a blog up for DTA so you can find all DTA links in one spot. I was pretty slow in getting this up but it seemed like a nice way to sort of organize all the different sites we dot out there.
http://delayedteenangst.blogspot.com/

Check us out and of course pass us on!

The Grover Complex trailer 1 in HD

2009-07-09T02:30:00.001-07:00

Check out our first trailer for The Grover Complex!

The Grover Complex trailer 1 from The Grover Complex on Vimeo.

After a year of working on this movie I'm glad we have something we can show people. Our editor Mike Darrow did a great job on this trailer and it's made even better with the music by Brandon K. Verrett.

Delayed Teen Angst now on this blog

2009-07-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

Hey all!

Delayed Teen Angst, (DTA), starring Tristan Scott, Fernando Noor, and Amy Vorpahl is now on this blog through youtube. The series written by me (Claire L. Wasmund) and directed by Karen Bullis is a six episode web series.

Check out he actual site for it as well: http://www.moctod.com/dta

Amy Vorpahl also has her own web series out: www.chaoticgoodonline.com. Be sure to check that out as well!

Updating another blog

2009-06-26T02:18:00.000-07:00

I've been updating the The Grover Complex blog and haven't thought too much about this one...

So if you want to know something about my life right now you can look there... because that's where it is.

Delayed Teen Angst

2009-06-23T00:29:00.000-07:00

I’m very excited to announce that our web series “Delayed Teen Angst” is now up and running on its own site (designed by Karen Bullis): http://www.moctod.com/dta

And you can find it on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=3C3618508D599A9E&search_query=delayed+teen+angst

We worked long and hard on this web series and pulled off the amazing feat of filming all six episodes in two days with a two person crew, Karen Bullis and me.

Our three actors are pretty phenomenal, Tristan Scott as Lionel, Fernando Noor as Damian, and Amy Vorpahl as Evie.

Here’s a reminder as to what our series is about:

DTA: Delayed Teen Angst is the tale of the noble Lionel (TRISTAN SCOTT); his no-nonsense sister, Evie (AMY VORPAHL); and his lovelorn friend, Damian (FERNANDO NOOR), as they straddle adulthood during summer vacation. When Evie entertains the affections of Damian, Lionel struggles with the fact that his partner in chromosomes may be violated by his long-time friend.

Examining the intricacies of “Guy code”, Tony Montana, and the hybridization of sea horses and telepaths, the series poses the question of “does growing up stop when classes do?”

As Evie says, “Summer vacation allows for certain lapses in judgment. Lethargy causes insanity. Be responsible and cure your boredom.”

Happy birthday, Fernando!

2009-04-22T00:49:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure what to add to that.

Still fighting reality

2009-04-18T14:26:00.001-07:00

My brother, Nick, and I decided to revisit the game known as Guild Wars.

It's similar to World of Warcraft in that you can play online with people from all around the world. It's magic, hack and slash, and playing a character you have no hopes of matching physically… especially as you spend hours a day playing.

I feel really close to Nick as we make things biologically expire together. I'm happy it is something we can share. I would like Matt to join… maybe my mother.

If we all played it would be a collective family "F you" to reality.

Movie update

2009-04-18T14:03:00.001-07:00

The Grover Complex is nearly complete. We've made the journey through post production, Karen, Fernando and me.

Many thanks to our editor, Mike Darrow; our composer Brandon K. Verrett; music editor James Speight; colorist Bobby Maruvada, and sound designer Tony Jacobsen.

Thank you to everyone who has served as a test audience and who has sat through and listened to the movie countless times. The positive thing in all of this is that we've realized after seeing the movie 60 plus times we don't hate it. As Karen mentioned we still enjoy it.

We think everyone else will too.

Here are links to the pages of everyone mentioned in this blog:

www.touchsound.com

http://www.verrett.net/site/entrance.html

http://web.mac.com/james_speight/iWeb/Site/Welcome.html

http://www.coregroupltd.com/Core_Group_Ltd..html

More updates soon!

Lalalala

2009-03-21T17:15:00.001-07:00

And here we go.

So much has happened since I posted a million years ago.

The Grover Complex is edited. Now it's into sound, music, and color correction. Pretty damn exciting. I sound excited, don't I? True, there's a lack of exclamation marks that usually indicate excitement but that's just because I'm too exhausted to push the shift key for them. Honestly, the shift key may be banished all together in a few minutes and you'll find no more capitalized letters. Thank goodness Microsoft Word does it for me sometimes…

For those not involved in the movie industry it's really hard to explain the work that goes into the project. We've been working hard on this since May 08. Pre-production started around May, shot in October and we'll be done with everything right around the May 09 mark. A whole frickin' year… and that's a pretty good pace for an independent film.

I'm helping to rewrite a script as a side job as I continue to work on my own piece. It's hard to find the time. I'm also not getting a free weekend to shoot the shorts I wanted to do and my gorgeous actress and potential gaffer is back in India. That felt negative. Huh.

The web series should be up soon. Karen is revisiting Jefferson, the other indie feature we did before Grover.

I've been dating my best friend, Fernando, for a few months. He's still my best friend, imagine that.

That's all for now.

Future projects

2008-12-23T18:47:00.001-08:00

Now that Grover is semi out of our hands and into the hands of editor Mike Darrow we're on the lookout for our next project.

We're going on the small scale for a bit.

We're set to work on a few shorts with Mia Thompson and Chadley Thompson who helped with The Grover Complex.

These are actually shorts we wrote while at The New York Film Academy.

Karen Bullis will direct these as well. Fernando Noor will do his job as actor.

It should be a jolly time!

Promoting Fernando

2008-12-23T17:14:00.001-08:00

My friend Fernando Noor has also started a career in voice over.

Fernando starred in DTA, Jefferson and wrote and starred in The Grover Complex.

Check out Fernando's voice over site at:

http://www.fernandonoorvo.com/

Update on another older project

2008-12-23T17:11:00.001-08:00

Our independent feature Jefferson will hopefully be completed soon as well.

Jefferson
Sometimes Family is War!

Jefferson Mattis returns for a weekend to reconnect with Frank, the estranged father he hasn't spoken to in ten years, for an unofficial, no holds barred paintball game. Along with ducking enemy fire, Jefferson has to vie for Frank's attention and interact with a strange crew of characters, including his ex-CIA step-mother, Maxine, her charming son Rich, the Gamers, and Team Singapore.

Written by Claire Wasmund and Karen Bullis; Cinematography by Shweta Chanda; and, Directed by Karen Bullis.

Here is the lovely Facebook group:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=11574923621

And here is the site itself:

http://www.moctod.com/jefferson/

Enjoy!

Updates on older projects

2008-12-23T17:07:00.001-08:00

We hope to finally have Delayed Teen Angst up and running. We got a little sidetracked on the web series as we began work on Jefferson and then on The Grover Complex.

Delayed Teen Angst, or DTA, is a web series written by myself, (that's Claire Wasmund ;) ), directed by Karen Bullis, and starring Tristan Scott, Amy Vorphal, and Fernando Noor.

The theme song is written and performed by Robert James Lee, Nathan Lee, and Matthew Wasmund.

Here is our beautiful site where you can watch the mentioned theme song.

http://www.moctod.com/dta

I'll be sure to send out a general harassing email when there is an episode available.

Whew

2008-12-23T17:01:00.001-08:00

So we shot our independent feature The Grover Complex in 15 days. Let me just explain for those who don't know and insult those who do that this is an incredibly fast pace for a 90 page script. We went up to 7 pages a day (big movies will do 2-3 pages a day).

The movie looks gorgeous. Thanks to our Production Designer Raisa Miranda and Art Director Elizabeth Garner, along with their assistant Matthew Horan, the set was this colorful and sophisticated backdrop that is really going to help this movie shine. Take a peek at the pictures posted. You can also find more at the Grover Complex Facebook group.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=21828782124

We also have the START of a website up. We have a picture up. But keep the address saved because we're adding to it soon.

www.thegrovercomplex.com

The Grover Complex also has its own blog which will be updated soon with information on production, post production and festivals.

http://thegrovercomplex.blogspot.com/

Check these out. We're so proud of the project.

Claire Wasmund is on IMDb!

2008-12-23T16:00:00.001-08:00

Here I am!

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3212299/

For those out of the entertainment industry this is not a site anyone can join. You have to prove that your project has public interest and commercial potential.

Holy Smokes!

2008-12-23T15:56:00.001-08:00

How long has it been?

If this blog were an animal or plant or even a pet rock it would have died from neglect by now.

So much has been going on.

We're now in post production on The Grover Complex, an independent feature written by my good friend Fernando Noor.

We're up on IMDB. J

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1330026/

I worked with a great crew including Fernando Noor, Karen Bullis, Manav Wadhwa, Shweta Chanda, Leigh E. Carlson, Raisa Miranda, Elizabeth Garner, Matthew Horan, Natalie Vermiglio, Brandon Huus, Davin Pressnall, Adilia Amelia, Dan Blanchett, Nicolas Davidoff, Mithun Gangopadhyay, Ed Joyce, Kyle Kimbriel, Jay I. Patel, Joel Tacorda, Ian Thomas, Igor Tochilnikov, Marcos Valadez, Michael Robert Walker, Greg Bishansky, Brad Harris, Elena Rogovsky, Chadley Thompson, and Mia Thompson to name a few.

Cast wise we have Fernando Noor, Matt Moy, Victor Kelso, Heather Tocquigny, Tristan Scott, Jesse Aguilera, Fanie Garcia, Laura Pluemer, Annette Remter, Read MacGuirtose, Amy Vorphal, Juan Vandendorp, Ryan Tweedy, Dylan Rhode, and Brad Harris.

More updates to come. J

Updates

2008-07-27T13:26:00.001-07:00

Busy. Busy.

Busy.

I wonder, how I can get my room so dirty when I am hardly ever here?

I did the math with my usual 5 hours of sleep and then my hours helping Fernando or casting or whatever… I am here 7 to 8 hours out of the day. I guess I use that time to trash my bathroom and bedroom.

I'm going to try and get a website up soon. Sell myself… in a professional way. Freelance work would be nice about now. Day jobs and producing don't mix.

There's always the worry that heavy professional writing will hurt my own creative works. I'll give it a try, expand the portfolio, and learn more about punctuation. ;p

Trying to get some sort of writing group up and running again. But it likely won't be very consistent or happen at all until September after we shoot the movie.

Grover will take place in October now. I think the move for it is good. My stress level goes up and down; Fernando's is high but he always seems on edge – he should eat heart healthy foods.

I need to make all of the stuff I have been doing work for me. As Karen tells me I have to think big, show it off. I think I was taught to minimize my accomplishments to avoid seeming arrogant. Modesty does not get you a job out here… unless maybe you're a nun. Exaggeration seems to actually. No, no, no… "Positive representation".

That's all for the moment. Back to work.

Delayed Teen Angst Opening

2008-07-11T23:57:00.000-07:00

The opening to our Webisodes.

Music by Nate Lee, Robert James Lee, Matt Wasmund.

Look at the attractive actors Tristan, Fernando, and Amy!

The dangers of coffee and Rockstars

2008-07-11T00:54:00.001-07:00

Rockstar drinks. I wouldn't start rumors about a saintly group of people.

Nearing 1am. Why doesn't sleep come easily when I have such a limited amount of time for it? It should be there and waiting for me by maybe 12am.

Casting this weekend. Always casting. Couldn't Fernando's protagonist live in a world of rocks with chalk-drawn faces? Must he make my life hell?

He doesn't…

And can't…

At the moment…

I have an idea for a film with a very small cast… two men will be very angry with me. ;p

I begin every project asking myself, "Who do I need to get even with?"

I'm at the first time of my life where I actually feel compelled to share a feeling; a near mythical and illusive one.

I won't.

Goodnight.

Again

2008-07-07T09:36:00.001-07:00

I’ve been commanded… advised. And so I shall follow orders.

Today are Jefferson pickup shots. Due to hectic schedules and camera use they are being done two months later… which would have been fine except we have an actor trapped out of the country. We are now shooting around him. If someone can be creative enough to do this I know it is Karen… but what a pain in the ass. Really. I thought maybe a cardboard cut out would work… or maybe in post we can draw in a stick figure to represent him. We have time to just blow up a picture of him and then wave it a bit back and forth to try and show “life”.

I am going to suggest this last one. Even to the extreme that we cut out eye holes in a photo to show realistic blinking. Soft focus shots, poor lighting. We shall overcome this set back.

I’ve been writing unwelcome poetry again. It is the best kind. You get the most emotion from things that are not desired. Casual acceptance of the poetry is not fun. “I swear to God, stop writing it!” is more heartfelt than “Thank you.”

Ugh.

When you do a lot you have little to say. I believe this. Blogging endlessly is like a need to prove you have some excuse to exist. I’m going to start blogging more.

Though my words are often dark.. I have been having positive feelings for some time. I want to throw the world off guard. But let me be honest now… things are good. Things will continue to get better.

Uhhh

2008-07-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

What can I say about my neglect of this place?
People email to say they’ve read my blog… but they don’t leave comments. There is no proof. I need more validation. They won’t leave comments after I write that either.
On Wednesdays I now work for Fernando. He has promised to present me with my money in a white envelope; I hope they are unmarked bills.
“The Grover Complex” goes well, it goes slowly, but it goes well. Producing is different. That’s what I will say about it. The movie is shooting at the end of August. We’re approaching some places for money this week; they’d better cough it up.
Our webisode series, “Delayed Teen Angst” will soon be up and running. I say this often but this time it will. Our opening is on Youtube now. Yes.
“Jefferson” will get some pickup shots soon. We’ll have our entire feature shot. Exciting shit.
So, I’ll now have my name attached to three projects that will be available for public viewing.
I am getting a Google presence... which is all that matters.

Triumphing over sperm

2008-05-11T23:17:00.001-07:00

My friend sent me a text message on Mother's Day. It was a "Happy Not Mother's Day" note. Indeed, it is happy. I patted my abdomen and smiled at the hollow sound it made.

I got to thinking, as I often do, just how much of a winner I truly am. How much sperm is in each ejaculation… how often have I had sex… let's not do any numbers here. BUT, I've thwarted their sinister purpose every single time. I am a champion. With the help of contraception I am a sperm slayer!!!

Know this----

There is no prize waiting for you in my fallopian tubes… only DEATH.

A much needed update

2008-04-16T21:54:00.001-07:00

How busy I have been.

We're in the final stretch for the feature… for those with money burning a hole in their pocket you can still make a donation. ;)

http://www.moctod.com/jefferson/

Without Karen's collaboration and previous draft and outline we never would have had another one written so quickly. It's been a mad dash but so much fun.

Casting is finally completed, we've had rehearsals, tweaks, I don't know what else. My brain is fried. The end of April and early May will be final touches and shooting. I'll be balancing work and visiting the set. The dream of course would be to forget work for two weeks but that is impossible.

Someday this will be work full time. That's what you tell yourself.

Still working 60 hours a week, plus feature work. Caffeine is a good friend.

I want to write a poem for caffeine but like I stated earlier, my brain is fried. I can't even be clever right now.

I felt I should update though.

Yes… yes.

What have I done?!

2008-02-24T22:07:00.001-08:00

I've so often been told that my turtle, Umberlee, seems lonely in her tank… alone. I think people assume too much.

Finally though, after realizing that her tank had not been cleaned in some time, I journeyed to Petco to buy her a new filter, new gravel, a new fake plastic plant, a decorative rock, and THREE GOLDFISH.

I walked around the shop looking at fish. There were fish with big, bulging eyes; sword-like tails; vacuum cleaner mouths; calico scales; all sorts of fabulous little creatures. I decided on the 26 cent goldfish. Something told me that this was a good price. I asked for three big goldfish, ones that looked sturdy and strong of heart. I got them.

After putting Umberlee into the sink and avoiding her threatening little beak I made her tank beautiful. The new gravel is white and it looks very nice with the bright green and blue rocks already in the tank. The decorative rock and new plastic plant were also a nice touch. I put Umberlee back in and introduced her friends. There were no formal introductions. They all swam around... in harmony.

I went to clean my room. I came back an hour later to find one goldfish gone. "How did this fish jump out of a covered tank?" I wondered aloud to myself. I looked for its little corpse but could not find it. That's when I first suspected. Umberlee watched me, looking bloated, looking smug.

I reasoned with myself, "Those fish were quite large, she cannot possibly eat another, and the weakest one is out of the way."

I left and went to do laundry as it was a Sunday.

When I returned I fell to my knees… there was only one left.

"What the hell is your problem?" I screamed at the turtle.

"I'm omnivorous." She mouthed to me through the glass.

I looked at the last fish, I felt happy that goldfish only have memories of three seconds, no one needs to relive what that fish saw.

"You're a fighter," I told the fish, "there is a reason you are the last one left. You will grow to be strong."

I went to the store.

There are no fish left. No trace. They left no mark. The filter likely removed any flesh or scales that once belonged to them.

Life has a memory of three seconds.

What will I do with this goldfish food?

…NEVER FORGET…

The Latest

2008-02-19T11:02:00.000-08:00

I have hit the quarter century mark. I hit it gently. I’m closer to 22... Still… really… yes.

Mia’s birthday was a few days before mine and we all went bowling to celebrate both. It was atomic bowling, glow-in-the-dark balls and shoes. Rock music. It was a fun time. I bowled terribly. I haven’t been bowling in such a while. I used to hurl that ball rather well so that pins looked at me with mild irritation, this time they couldn’t get a read on my manic attacks.

Mia can now drink legally, she wasn’t super excited about the big 21, the cultural backwardness of Sweden has ruined this moment, or maybe the conservatism of America?

No, it’s not our fault.

Mike bowled passably until he and Fernando were hit on by a gay man near a bar. This ruined Mike’s mojo and there was no hope of recovery after this. I’m sure Mike left the alley with the express purpose of finding some hot chick.

Life is still good. My friends and I are working hard on projects and still making a go of it here in L.A. We manage, we do well. We’re still here because I believe we are meant to be.

2008-02-19T10:05:00.000-08:00

Ah, and so, several weekends ago, we shot all six webisodes at a breakneck pace with a two person crew. The plan originally was to shoot three but we finished the three on the first day and had the equipment out for another. We figured, “Why the hell not?” and so we asked our actors to memorize the three last episodes overnight.
Karen handled the camera, lighting, shots… everything but sound which I did. I held the boom. It was quite fun. My arms hurt, Karen’s arms hurt, Fernando, Amy and Tristan were all exhausted… but we’re done! …Until we get the funding for moreJ Positive thoughts, friends.
The casting truly was perfect. They had an understanding of their characters and delivered their lines like a dream. What more could one ask for?
Karen continues to plug away at editing and the website. My cousin Robert and brother Matt are hopefully providing us with some music, making this a well produced and fun little series.
I will let everyone know when it is up.
Now I’m working on a feature film for Karen. It’s Karen’s idea and story. I am racing to finish a draft by the end of this week, It will be fabulous to have participated in a feature! Fernando will once again be a member of the cast. What is a Claire written project without Fernie? I’ll keep people updated on this too. We begin filming at the end of February!!!
We had the screenwriting class over a few weekends ago. It was nice to see Mia, Chad, Edwin, Fernando and Mike again. We laughed, had some treats, had some drinks, and told old stories. Everyone seems to be doing very well and that is good to see.
Things are pretty fun right now, albeit busy with working about 60 hours a week and writing in my spare time… but it will all pay off. I’m feeling pretty confident that things will pay off.

More battles with sincerity

2008-02-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

Fight on.

Sincerity is boring and there are more creative ways to say something without actually, completely saying it.

Do not limit me.

X-MAS

2007-12-26T09:01:00.001-08:00

Ah, Christmas time. Even through my persevering lack of Christianity, I do enjoy X-Mas. This year was my first Christmas away from home, which was sad. It was made easier, however, by spending time with my fabulous friend and roommate, Tiffany. I wasn't bombarded with the constant, "feel sorry for me, I hate X-Mas, I need to ruin everything" negativity I had to deal with in L.A. last season. We made fun little plans and had Tiffany's uncle and his friend over for the holiday.

Tiffany and I made a turkey, which turned out wonderfully! We also made mashed potatoes, artichoke dip, salad and white chocolate peppermint cheesecake. Tiff's uncle brought homemade Mac and Cheese.

We decorated the apartment with stockings and lights. This table cloth we got on sale at Target added 5 years (in a good way) to our apartment. Even with the sun streaming through the window and the lack of snow there were moments when you did realize the fact that it was the end of December; a cold month.

I've been cold. But it shames me to mention it.

My family had a nice X-Mas it seems. They had 25 people over and did their traditional gift exchange. I've been promised pictures.

Other than that, things have been fine. We shoot our webisode the 11^th. Fernando insists there is a way to make it an actual TV-show, but I still have yet to see that. Not because I don't like it… I don't know. Short little bits, short and tasty little bits is the way I always saw it, so it's hard to change my view.

Again, things are good here. Still waiting for some things to come in the mail, but that is pretty common this time of year.

Me, online

2007-12-14T17:15:00.001-08:00

Woe is me and possibly you…

2007-12-03T14:35:00.001-08:00

Why such a down and dramatic title? Ah, pity me, pity me. This is how I do seek your attention for I have nothing else to offer other than my tragedy.

No. That's not moi…

I'm basically moved. There were some snags; things that shan't be mentioned. The new place is gorgeous and this makes me smile. The muscles that work a smile are sore from lack of use. You can fake it but sincere ones use more than half smiles partly pulled up with fingers.

If I say to the doctor, "I am not pregnant" and they still make me take a pregnancy test, should I be offended? I think so. I'm pissed. I want revenge.

Wood floors are wonderful. Sunlight is great. I think Angel the vampire was suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder because he couldn't go outside. He should have bought one of those lamps that make the fake sunlight. Poor guy; his brooding could have been stopped.

I'm not pregnant, happy to say. I knew this already. Could have saved the lab some time…

The end.

Have you seen this girl?

2007-11-26T12:02:00.000-08:00

Last seen in Van Wert, Ohio in 1994.
Some witnesses speculate that Taryn was abducted - only to discover she was actually home. Others believe her love of video games encouraged her to move under the earth to beat the Zelda and Final Fantasy series without interruption.
Still, the most common theory is that she was deemed "too beautiful to look upon" by the out-of-work gods of Greek mythology and taken up.
The most outlandish claims place her in L.A., in the land of "beautiful people". These witnesses were given a tox screen...

Eugene and the Sun Tanned Dragons

2007-11-19T18:16:00.001-08:00

Or, more conveniently abbreviated to "The STD's" as Robert pointed out. Thanks Robert.

My band.

This band was started in Minnesota in my 17^th/18^th year of life. It has never actually performed… with me in it. Matt stole the name once and had the nerve to invite me to the show.
The plan originally was to perform at the talent show. I invited in Staubs, Asli, Nicole and Caroline I think. Oh, and Becky and Amy. They all invited in more friends until the band reached around 17 people… I then disbanded the band. The purposely hideous lyrics I had written were not meant to be sung by a chorus; it would have been like too many people telling a joke and then the joke gets lost and gets irritating. No, Caroline, myself and Asli were going to sing, Staubs would do the drums, Becky on the trumpet, Amy on the flute, Caroline doing some guitar as well, and Nicole was going to stand in between two cardboard cut outs of dragons and represent the male name of Eugene. Terrible, but in a good way.

Now the thought is to bring back the STD's with Robert, Matt and me. Robert would like his stage name to be "Flameshine Syphilis". I don't know what mine will be, Moonpower Crabs? I'll let Matt come up with his own, though I like "Starbright Chlamydia".

I've already picked out the album cover:

What genre of music are we going to perform? Why can't we tackle them all? Tackle them all and mush them together in a body bag.

Things are swell

2007-11-11T12:30:00.001-08:00

I haven't posted here in a bit...

I am excited to report that I have a new place to live and a new roommate. We move in December 1^st to the lovely land of Sherman Oaks. We've got wood floors, ample closet space, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, air conditioner in each room and living room, brand new stove, dishwasher and built in microwave… all for more than my mother pays on her house. Ah, California. If we are allowed to paint then I am going to paint; grand, grand plans.

I signed for this myself, which was a big deal considering mother has been managing student loans and other expenses since I was a wee one. Sure, I got the place on my own in Duluth… but that is Duluth. The L.A. area is not as friendly and not as inclined to give you a place based on your vibe. I got this based on credit, more concrete than my vibe. The sites to check credit are more reliable, you don't run across many apartment complexes with a staff palm reader.

Tiffany, my roommate to be, has been getting me out more. I went to a great party with Middle Eastern food last night. There was fun music with some Jewish folk dances. I danced, good for me. Tiffany told me I had to dance because I "looked like those people". This is also why I am going to start taking Spanish lessons because I occasionally "look like some of those people too"?

My current book is moving along well. Things are rather positive here. My mom may fly out for the next weekend to help me pack and get ready. It will be nice to see her again, especially since I am not sure if I will have time home for X-Mas if I switch jobs.

Right, personal update blogs always seem so clumsy to me. I've fulfilled my obligations of talking about me. I promise to post something completely unrelated next.

Omnia mors aequat

2007-10-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

I lost a friend today. I am aware that this friend was a bad influence, but it doesn't make the pain any less. It was my choice to put caffeinated grinds in there, I could have gone the decaf route, I did not want to. My pal here paid for my overuse.
I love you. There is no doubt in my mind that I loved you and still love you.
I love you.

Dreams

2007-10-23T18:20:00.001-07:00

My dreams reveal so much to me. I am the powerful sorceress my ego tells me I am, just only while unconscious.

Last night, I spoke with dragons, gold dragons and their red brother. Some of you know that red dragons are evil but this brother hadn't been told that and thought he just looked a bit different. The dragons were the last line of defense against golems and wraiths. They were the last line of defense… along with me. My brother Matt was there to punch the baddies, but he apparently does not have the magical abilities that I have. The dragons and I chilled in a cave while Matt fought for his life. They were good times.

My fingers and toes do tingle quite a bit during the day, I thought they were just falling asleep, but in reality they are recharging for another night of battling evil.

Not a Martyr

2007-10-23T17:07:00.001-07:00

There is this overdramatic breed of woman that just turns my stomach and causes me to feel anxiety. Everything is a tragedy, everything is a big deal, every act they do takes them one step closer to martyrdom. Please… get there… and shut up.

So, without my coffee or Rockstar, I do get a bit on the lackadaisical side. Yes, sometimes I scurry about full of unease… but these are special times. What is the lifespan of these women mentioned above? They'll bemoan this fact too, but they won't seek to change it because it would give them something less to complain about.

Woe, woe is the day they are not pitied or paid some mind to because these are the days we all pity ourselves for having to hear it.

A sacrifice is not a sacrifice if you sing out the details loud enough for everyone to try and come to your aid. "Poor me! Poor me!" is not the battle cry of the hero you claim to be.

Pain over Mask of the Betrayer

2007-10-18T17:57:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't want details of Mask of the Betrayer revealed to you then do not read this entry:

I feel loss. After journeying from level 1 to level 20 with several special friends I had hoped to continue a long relationship with them. Sure, the ending of Neverwinter Nights 2 was sad… the roof collapsed… everyone presumed dead – but I still had HOPE! That hope was destroyed upon playing the expansion.

They're dead. They are dead. Yeah, I know. Ammon lives… Khelgar lives… Neeshka, maybe? Sand, maybe? Grobnar – GONE. My love interest, Cassivir, broke his back, DEAD. Others, M.I.A – presumed dead. 40 some hours of game play causes you to get attached to people. It wasn't even their fight, it was my fight.

My survivor's guilt has really got a stranglehold at the moment.

I would have preferred their company to the new batch of NPCs I was forced to journey with in MOTB. Just because you go epic doesn't mean you have to lose all fun. The few bits of humor actually came from mention of the original NPCs. My character is going through a difficult time, fatally cursed, and she's not given her trusty support group?! No one understands her pain; she's got to waste game time to explain past history! At least in BG2 you've got friends from the first game who are there at your side to help you through your journey of self discovery and possible self loathing, imagine if Minsc and Boo had not been there? Nothing here. I had to start from scratch and that wasn't fair, that's stressful. And at the end, sure, the originals are mentioned again, briefly, but we get no movies with them! They don't talk to us; there is no emotional reunion with my character's foster father. So unsatisfying.

I want to send out some love to my former companions since my in game character seemed to airbrush them from her memory! Sand, you were my favorite, thanks for the wit and proving me innocent at my murder trial. Shandra, thank you for bleeding to death in order to free the demons and devils so we could defeat Ammon and ultimately have him replace you. Grobnar, thanks for the songs, thanks for your spunk, the Wendersnaven, thanks for building that golem. Bishop, thanks for your cruel honesty; sometimes we all have to make hard decisions. Zhaeve, thanks for being a good listener and knowing so much. Elanee, you were pretty dull but I thank you for being so because it balanced out the party. Neeshka, you were so much more than a tiefling – you were a rogue too. Khelgar, thanks for your loyalty, thanks for being the stereotypical dwarf we all come to expect. Qara, what can I say except I actually forgot to mention you in here the first time I wrote it. Ammon, thanks for hastening Shandra's death, it made the moment more poignant. Cassivir, thank you for being chivalrous and hopefully a good lay for my character, Gann in MOTB wasn't as dear to me as you – even though my character married him; he caught me on the rebound.

All the best my friends. All the best.

What could be more lame?

2007-10-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

Look what I have done with PAINT. Oh! I have had so much fun. A pity I don't have more pictures of Mike and Eamonn so I can elf-ify them.

Fernando is a vampire, I think he looks quite dashing!!!!!!!!!!

And me.

Adjust your ability scores accordingly, I am now much more dexterous but not as hardy. Fernando can no longer go out during the day or he will burst into flame... But it is a small price to pay for how cool we now look.

The Star-Spangled Banner

2007-09-30T16:19:00.001-07:00

I say this as delicately as possible… there is no room for woodwinds or strings in the Star-Spangled Banner.

I firmly believe that this is a brass, snare, and bass drum song.

It's a shame, this is a nation that would like to boast itself founded on equality, yet we have a national anthem that cannot function on that principle. I am in no way advocating changing the national anthem to "America the Beautiful" like my mother and so many others. Bah! I would move if we changed national anthems, especially to "America the Beautiful".

I am saying we simply need to restrict the instruments who participate in saluting our country. Yes, this is cruel but it is just.

The pain I am caused when I hear "And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air" played by clarinets and flutes is nearly unbearable. It's laughable, what sort of bombs are these that are represented by the upper register? 4^th of July firecrackers? PATHETIC! Shameful little bottle rockets, we have nuclear weapons for Christ's sake!

LOW BRASS. LOW BRASS AND BASS DRUM. This should be the core of the Star Spangled Banner.

Fuck woodwinds.

Do you think woodwinds command respect? No, they do not, not from me anyway.

What America needs is respect, we've lost this.

Low brass can help us bring it back. Low brass with a healthy sprinkling of trumpet.

Go red, white, and blue!

Ah, Hugh Jackman

2007-09-30T15:38:00.001-07:00

For a time there I had thought myself devoid of all passion. No naughty dreams of forbidden trysts helped me pass the 8 hours of recommended sleep time. My nights were dull, both in reality and imaginary.

Then, on Perez Hilton's blog, I saw posted a picture of the most beautiful but still manly creature that inhabits this planet – Hugh Jackman. The broad shoulders, those arms, that face… THE CHEST HAIR.

-Oh my God! The chest hair!

Allow me to curl my fingers in it and I would have touched something more fine than spun gold.

-Oh my God!

But I shall not, for Hugh is married with a family. Such a happy thing for him causes such pain for me. I would not seek to break up that union because that would crush the gentlemanly view I have of Hugh. I can only sigh and think - had I been but born earlier and born in Australia that man could have been mine.

-Oh my God!

Blood does not pump through Hugh's veins – Testosterone does.

Hugh should be given much orange juice and sent to the blood bank weekly… he would save so many men.

Tragedy

2007-09-26T18:23:00.000-07:00

Know your lakes and rivers, maybe there is a reason you don't get any bites. Take the time to interview the wild life, what are their likes and dislikes? You don't make dinner before asking your guest what they want - you shouldn't kill dinner for your guest before asking your prey what sounds good to them. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Yes...

2007-09-25T18:31:00.000-07:00

I am working on it again.

Wonderful to hear

2007-09-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

Fernando said something that was so simple... yet so beautiful at the same time,

"I promise you, that guy will never get laid again, by any girl, for as long as he lives."

That would give me more satisfaction than I ever got in the past.

Who knows phone numbers anymore?

2007-09-20T17:19:00.001-07:00

How many times a day do I text or call Marg or Fernando? A lot. So often, I only have to press one number. Intimate. Or is it?

I don't know their phone numbers.

I have to wonder, does this failure to commit their digits to memory indicate a lack of commitment on my part? Is that same level of devotion there when you make the call if you didn't really physically have to make the call?

I wonder.

If everyone's SIM cards were erased would we still be a functioning society? We'd be wracking our brains trying to remember if Mom's number was 9735 or 9375. I don't know work's number. I don't know your number.

I'm going to try though, but I will start slow - 20 numbers to begin with.

Margherite and Fernando, I am memorizing your phone numbers. Know the next time I call that I put in more effort than the average person.

A writing group takes shape...???

2007-09-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

Good news for me and the world; part of the class is reuniting... maybe.
Talks of a writing group are underway. I am excited, so excited. There are no exclamation points, but trust me, the high emotion is there in spirit.
The proposed group at the moment consists of Marg, Mike, Fernando, Eamonn and myself.
I'm going to be so bold as to talk about The Beatles here for a moment. I liked The Beatles as the The Beatles... individually however, I liked them less. Talent needs to be kept in check. Talent needs people looking out for it. Sure, John, Paul, George and Ringo had some hits after but not as consistently as they did when they were a family. Sure, Mike may write some good shit in the next few years - but wouldn't it be better with my input?
(The arrogance here is meant to be comedic.)
But I look forward to this! I've missed my friends ripping apart my projects. I've missed returning the favor.
Much love.

Plato said: "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something."

2007-09-16T00:01:00.001-07:00

There are people who are seemingly experts on everything. They talk… and they talk… and they talk about things they know very little about – but they're often good talkers so people don't catch on. The worst part is they often believe they are correct, they believe so strongly their thoughts can work a magic, (sort of like that mutant in X2 who had Xavier fooled with his illusionary world), and the weak minded or ignorant say, "Oh yes, you are so smart." And, often the smart are also polite and so they don't correct, they just stand there in awkward silence and silently think about how this person is a moron… but that person never knows because the smart often don't have the special powers that mutant possessed to get that fact across without speaking.

A pity.

Sometimes too, the smart realize that the "incorrect expert" has major self esteem issues and to constantly point out their many blunders would harm this person. Sometimes the smart also have self esteem issues and so they don't know if they can overpower this person who believes they are above the facts.

No one is above the facts.

Occasionally too, the incorrect expert uses a family member's position to bolster the bullshit in their long-winded mistakes. It's a shame because, "My mother, the doctor" certainly wouldn't want you telling people that women age worse than men because they "put a lot of stuff on their face". It's the hormones, dipshit.

Silence is golden, and when you're in the presence of one of these people, silence is like a rare blue diamond you wish would occur in nature more often.

The 10th of September

2007-09-13T18:22:00.001-07:00

A little over a year ago I was fortunate enough to begin class and school with some wonderful people… Some of them are still wonderful.
For the people that remained wonderful, I give them permission to treat themselves to something I would approve of…
Video games, swimming, taking the time to pet a cat – these are approved treats; after a year they should know the approved list. I don't like vodka, I don't like tequila, no "Friends" marathons – icky icky icky.
Everyone should take pride in their talent. We are an eccentric bunch, people are going to look at us oddly, and people are going to question our ambitions, motives, and perceived realities. Don't take it to heart – because, if you're being honest with yourself at the moment, you know that the people who shake their heads at you are the same people you normally view as idiots... and call idiots, under your breath.

There are so many idiots.

Best of luck to all of my friends.

Procrastination

2007-09-12T19:42:00.001-07:00

This has to be some sort of illness. It causes irritability, perceived fatigue, OCD like behavior, distractibility… It targets no specific race, gender or age group – it likes to gut us all of our ambition.

Where is my stomach for this hard work in front of me?

Ah, it is on the floor.

Alas.

Shorts, Webisodes, Screenplays, Musicals, Novels…

2007-09-11T00:16:00.001-07:00

…And video games – playing them. This is what I've had my hands doing lately. It's no surprise that the progress on each has been slow. These projects need a bit of monogamy and I apparently lack the maturity or devotion to give it to them. Thankfully, none of them have left me yet.

I figured it was perhaps time to write a blog about what I've been doing; something that relates to my actual life instead of sporadic Britney support and an imaginary war.

We finish filming on one of my shorts tomorrow. I'm excited to see how it turns out. I think it is well cast, my dialog isn't easy to spit out and they spit it out without it being disgusting. Bravo. So many screenwriters have mentioned that people new to the trade neglect getting a reel together, they seem to think it's only necessary for actors, directors, and producers. I suppose it does make sense for a writer to prove that their work is actually filmable.

After this I hope to get the long put off Webisodes completed. Fernando seems impatient as Fernando often does. It's a good crew with friends Karen and Aaron on board. Karen is not your typical director as she lacks an ego and is open to suggestions. Fernando and Aaron both were graced with beautiful eyes… something that doesn't really play into the webiside… but I thought about them none-the-less. We have discussed ways in which to make use of the beautiful eyes, Karen and I, something that seems to make Fernando and Aaron a bit embarrassed, maybe it's the wording – "Beautiful", "lovely", "and gorgeous". I'm sorry; their eyes do not encourage the masculine equivalents to roll off my tongue.

After the webisodes I have another short idea, likely with Fernando again in a starring role. Karen again will likely direct or DP or something. It's an exclusive club, this filmmaking group I hang with. Membership requires you to have weekends open… every now and then.

Shorts however, do not make money. They can get you attention with the hope that the attention will bring you money, but they themselves are sort of money pits. This is why I must finish my feature length screenplays. But damn - this is easier said than done; which is a shame as I have people interested in reading my finished screenplays. If I could light a fire under my own feet I would, but my soles are much less flammable after escaping MN winters and I haven't the motivation to find the correct kindling.

Then of course, there is the musical… which is mainly a distraction. Get stuck on a sequence - work on the musical. But don't really work on the musical, simply pound out a few passable melodies, declare them shit and wonder how three hours passed. Sigh.

The novel. The novel is something that I have been working on sincerely. I did major changes, major rewrites to avoid any future problems down the road in case it is ever published. You don't want people demanding credit for your work, even if you simply bounced ideas off of them.

My mind has been more active than it has been in years. It's a fabulous experience to wake up after a long period of hibernation. You still wonder what you did during those years, where the extra weight came from, but it's nice to be up. I'm up, I'm happy.

Yes, I do feel let down.

2007-09-10T13:29:00.001-07:00

I can't say I was moved by Brit-Brit's VMA performance last night - maybe because Britney hardly moved? I was confused after all of the reports that there would be MAGIC! Britney's past VMAs plus MAGIC! seemed to imply there would be a fun time for all. For a comeback after major trials you would want there to be fun for all.

It was fun for no one, except perhaps Britney haters, a category I myself often fall into. Not last night though, I was genuinely disappointed. Whatever illusion Britney hoped to cast herself, in her sequined bikini - she no longer had the skill, or the confidence. I think Britney's previous fame was largely due to her confidence. In normal photos Brit was never the prettiest of the bunch, her singing ability was never where it should be for one of her stardom, but on stage she could grab you with this drive and this energy that made you watch. Regardless of whether you thought her good or not - you watched. I would watch and then bitch afterwards.

She was bad last night. This was a high school talent show – without the talent – opening that was to symbolize the megastars who get our money in exchange for entertainment. She did not represent, she has invited more resentment from the public and fellow performers. Does she deserve this? Maybe, if the reports of her partying out until 3am the morning of the show are true. Maybe, if one considers the undeserved hype created by the promise of MAGIC! Maybe, if one considers how long she's been dancing and performing.

Britney is not Britney anymore. Maybe she's Brittany? I don't know. She has a divorce and an annulment under her belt now. She has two children. She has a breakdown, possible substance abuse problem to deal with. She isn't Britney Spears. The woman is not fat, not any way close to fat like the gossip columns cruelly stated, but does she look like she devotes the needed time to dancing and performing that she used to? No.

She needs to. She's not a singer, she is a performer. She did not perform. She did not deliver a comeback; she delivered us more reasons to question her past fame.

Did she kill her career? I don't know if that is possible in America; with so many people there is no accounting for taste and no way to enforce good taste. If she wanted to she could likely return, but I don't know if any person has the strength to return after so many public humiliations. Maybe beneath this drugged – possibly manic character there is a reservoir of determination that has been cut off.

If she taps into it she will have my respect. I will never say she's a good singer, but I will say she has more courage than most.

The battle part 7

2007-09-10T11:49:00.000-07:00

This is a development I did not expect... love? Love. The winged small dog and the pink puffy fluffy ballet dancing thing are in love. It's sincere - you can tell from the clouds. Though, the grey color may spell doom. No, it doesn't, I can't quite shape the hearts in such a way to spell it - but 4 clouds, 4 letters.

What's to be done? Surely this cliche event will have some sort of part in the death and destruction to come. I would hope. A battlefield proposal? A romantic desertion? We'll see. Stay tuned...

Mammals – Treachery since the Dawn of Time

2007-09-08T23:33:00.001-07:00

Recently, there was an article about the cause of the meteorite that ended the lives of our friends, the dinosaurs. RIP brothers and sisters. If you want to check it out there's the link, otherwise, the gist is two asteroids collided between Mars and Jupiter. They made a big mess and some of their pieces made their way to your… our home planet of Earth.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070905/sc_nm/asteroid_dinosaurs_dc

It seems straight forward enough - the cosmos wreaked havoc upon our fragile little ecosystem. Open and shut case, the perfect murder. Does anyone else wonder if this space collision was a little too convenient?

Since the days of Tonya Harding there has been a special way to deal with competition that proves to be too much competition for you. Damage a knee cap, cut some brake lines, a bit of poison in a cup… maybe even a well placed meteorite?! I don't want to jump to any conclusions, I'm just thinking out loud.

You've got the dinosaurs hanging around for 165 million years. They're hot shit, life is great for them, and they've got the advantage of size and strength. Mammals, what do they do? They scurry about, little, hairy. There's no pride among their ranks, no cool names like Tyrannosaurus Rex, Shuvuuia, Bambiraptor, or Chinshakiangosaurus. Do we squeal with delight upon seeing the skeleton of an early mammal? No, we squint to try and make out all the tiny bones and then move on to the dinosaur exhibit. It's a shame, but that's how it is. That's how it was. The mammals knew there was little chance of usurping the thunder lizards – with their superior brains - they knew this. What were they to do, launch a massive ankle biting campaign of irritation? They didn't have the resources for that.

On a starry night a group of early mammals gathered together, pooled their brain power, (thankfully they reproduced quickly so there were many brains), and, harnessing the power from a nearby volcano, launched into space an object that looked much like a squirrel of today. Much like drivers of today who are loath to run over small creatures, asteroids are no different. An asteroid swerved to avoid the squirrel and ran into another asteroid.

Kaboom.

It wasn't just the luck of being warm blooded and smaller that let the mammals survive, it was ADVANCED WARNING. They had stockpiled food, planned escape routes, set up ancient Red Cross tents to make it through this planned tragedy. There was no chance for the dinos; survivors were turned away from mammal run hospitals on account of race issues. Mammal doctors claimed to not understand T-Rex anatomy, they could offer no aid. Death.

A pity. A shame. Can we even make amends? What would we say? I'm open to suggestions there about in what way to present this apology. A simple "I'm sorry" Hallmark card will not work, I'd be embarrassed to even mail it.

So, should we sweep this under the rug like so many issues we all care not to address? For the time being, perhaps. I think the time limit on apologies has run out here, and for one, I'm not about to take responsibility for something relatives who have made such little effort to get to know me have done.

Do I?

2007-09-06T02:12:00.001-07:00

No, I can't say that I do. Did I? I did not.

How can I say that?

Just a lucky communication between brain, lungs, vocal chords and tongue I suppose – that is how I can say that. It's not too hard; try it out.

I rarely admit to anything of a serious nature but that does not mean you should take my declarations any less seriously.

So - I don't think so.

That means "no" in a half assed sort of way.

With some people, in-between statements like, "I don't know", "We'll see", etc. are more solid answers than "Yes" and "No". Nobody wants to hurt anyone's feelings and definitive answers always make you think, make you feel, make you second guess more than, "Maybe", which usually means "no".

No.

Oh, now I feel bad. Shit. I guess I'll do it.

It's me... and Nick

2007-08-31T04:56:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, here's a picture of me from a few days ago when Nick and my mother and Bill visited me out in Cali. I can't get the photo editor profile thing to work. I've followed the rules, it won't work. I might try to follow the rules not at 5am in a few days, see if that goes better. Really, this place still sort of baffles me, locating people, uploading some stuff, but I think it's because I attempt all of those things at inappropriate times.

The hole in the wall

2007-08-31T03:01:00.000-07:00

Look, there behind my dear Fernando's head - a hole. How did this hole get there? I didn't do it. Fernando didn't do it. Margherite didn't do it. My mother said to me, "It looks like a fist". You're right Mom, it sure does. Who put their fist through this wall? Perhaps there is a clue on the T.V? Fernando is giving a thumbs-up sign, I am on the right track.

A space man on the Little Europe set!!!??? Is Europe a clue? Fernando's thumbs-up lead me to believe... YES. This further clears Fernando's name from the list of suspects because Fernando is Mexican and last I checked Mexico was not in Europe.
Thumbs-up, I'm still right. Good work, Claire.

I feel like there are more clues here if we just look harder. I'm going to send this out to the lab and see what they make of it all.

Here, it's back.

On closer inspection there appears to have been a flag drawn on the front of the T.V. This is not the U.S. flag I believe.

Fernando backs me up on this; we are not green, white, and orange.

I can only assume this was a foreign act of aggression on my patriotic American walls. Damn those terrorists and their offensive sayings like "Coolaboola"!

Coolaboola, green, white and orange, that's England right?

No... Fernando's thumbs seem less enthusiastic.
Scotland? I think I saw the thumbs dip an inch.

Ireland? Yes, Fernando says yes!

I was close, they're all the same place.

I'm going to send this back to the lab one more time, see if they can find anything else. All I know right now was it was likely an Irishman from Europe and that doesn't give me much to go on.

Look hard:

You're kidding me. "I did it. - Eamonn". I didn't even know that was an Irish name, I'm shocked.
Fernando from Mexico agrees, he's shocked.

If I didn't know any better I'd say Eamonn, an authentic Irishman, punched through my wall.
... If you say so, Fernando, let's not be too hasty.

But maybe I'm reading this wrong. Maybe this wasn't a terrorist attack and "coolaboola" isn't terrorist lingo. Maybe this is artistic expression, sort of a rejection of rectangular framed, colorful paintings; instead, we have this concave, round, hole of blackness. Yes, it's art, which would explain why Eamonn signed his name in such bold green letters. He's proud. I'm proud too to have it in my wall. I won't take it down because I can't take it down. I'll let it remain; a monument to a good-natured friend who is probably feeling a bit pissed off right now, but maybe feels a bit more manly as he pats his fists of steel. ARTIST.

Fernando agrees.

A most thoughtful package

2007-08-31T02:13:00.001-07:00

My dear brother Matt was kind enough to put together for me a package of much care and creativity, complete with "Clare, patron saint of T.V" and Tallulah, a hopping bug that sticks to windows if you so desire. Also, a Pat Robertson and friends coloring book... should I make Jesus a blonde? It seems like it'd be appropriate for this book.

That my bro took the time to find these little oddities along with nice jewelry, a cool chest, as well as exotic and magical liquor is touching. I don't know if I've ever had a gift as cool as this before.

I can't even find something sarcastic to say about it. Matt, you've reduced me to sincerity. Thank you. I love you.

Queen

2007-08-30T19:00:00.001-07:00

I've begun listening to Queen again. I took a break after all of the music on my last computer was erased after a freak mother accident. All of my albums… deleted… why hold on to hard copies when they're all safely stowed away in the digital land? The barriers between this world and that are not as strong as we'd like to believe, I know this now.

Anyway, Queen. Lyrically weak… weak… weak. Musically too sometimes, in terms of overall continuity… occasionally they faltered, not weak - just, lapses in judgment. I love them, don't get me wrong. I love them, but loving without being realistic and acknowledging flaws is an unhealthy love.

They all said they hated writing lyrics but they didn't want anyone else to do it. I get it. I understand. They're committed to their musical children from first note to last refrain, it's noble… but, it takes a village to raise a child. Where were social services?

I guess it makes sense that Queen was so popular in non-English speaking countries. Ooo, forgive me. If you have only a basic understanding of English and then you're introduced to the power of Freddie Mercury's voice along with the skill Queen had when playing their instruments you can forgive lyrics like:

One day you'll be a Sergeant Major
Oh you'll be so proud
Screaming out your bloody orders
Hey but not too loud
Polish all your shiny buttons
Dressed as lamb instead of mutton
But you never had to try
To stand out from the crowd

You can forgive it if English isn't your first language. If it is then no, you can't forgive, you can just ignore/be in denial. This one too:

Ooh, music is playing in the darkness
And a lantern goes swinging by
Shadows flickering
My heart's jittering
Just you and I

Not tonight
Come tomorrow
When everything's sunny and bright (sunny and bright)
No no no
Come tomorrow
'Cos then we'll be waiting for the moonlight

Yeah, don't know about that one either.

But then I sort of like:

I wonder when we're gonna make it
I wonder when we're gonna shake it
Rock me baby rock me
C'mon you can shock me
Let's catch on to the groove
Make it move, make it move
Yeah, you know how to shake that thing
We'll work it, work it, work it
You and I can play ball baby
You and me got staying power yeah yeah
Yeah, you and me we got staying power

Which Nick might tell you are crap… maybe Nick likes the other crap previous to this, I don't know. Do you like that other crap, Nick? Maybe it's just the funk.

Regardless, Queen got away with these lyrics thanks to the vocal powers, yes, powers, of Freddie Mercury and the kick assery of Brian May's guitar playing, Roger Taylor's blonde hair and drum pounding, and John Deacon's steady bass. They were basically an athlete who muscled their way through the competition because technically they were a bit weak. Yeah, I agree with that.

It's unfair for me to say, "They should have done this, and maybe tweaked this, and certainly not said this." But I still say it. The good part about Queen was that even when they lacked in one area of a song there was always an outstanding quality to pick it up. "You Take My Breath Away" lyrically - eh, vocally – outstanding. "Death on Two Legs" lyrically – eh, vocally – okay, musically – pretty cool. When Freddie was on who cared what came out of his mouth as long as it was high pitched and heartfelt and possesed that rare quality of sort of being neither male nor female. My mother has a tactic when she doesn't know the lyrics perfectly to a song; she replaces every word with "Bum bum." Could Cheryl be right in this approach?

Let's see how that works for "Don't Try So Hard":

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum, bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

Bridge… more bum bums… then

OHHHHHHH, don't try so hard
OHHHHHHH, don't take it all to heart.
It's only fools, they make these rules
Don't try so hard
Don't try so hard
Don't try so hard.

Big improvement. See, if they simply had taken their own advice and not tried so hard on lyrics and used the "bum bum" method I think I would have understood more often, they wouldn't have had to worry about lyrics and the non-English speakers would have still been happy. Win win. Nice work Mom.

The battle part 6

2007-08-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

The colorful tortoises new undead army has certainly backfired. Religious insects have heard about the unholy abominations and have taken up the crusade to the side of the pink puffy fluffy ballet dancing things. They arrived just in the nick of time too, the goldfish with large knives gave their all on the way to the war - martyrs... heroes... let's have a moment of silence for the goldfish with large knives.
Insects are good at bringing devastation to crops and ruining camping trips but can they really tip the balance of the war that will soon happen in maybe three more drawings? Stay tuned...