Updates

Busy. Busy.

 

Busy.

 

I wonder, how I can get my room so dirty when I am hardly ever here?

I did the math with my usual 5 hours of sleep and then my hours helping Fernando or casting or whatever… I am here 7 to 8 hours out of the day. I guess I use that time to trash my bathroom and bedroom.

I'm going to try and get a website up soon. Sell myself… in a professional way. Freelance work would be nice about now. Day jobs and producing don't mix.

There's always the worry that heavy professional writing will hurt my own creative works. I'll give it a try, expand the portfolio, and learn more about punctuation. ;p

Trying to get some sort of writing group up and running again. But it likely won't be very consistent or happen at all until September after we shoot the movie.

Grover will take place in October now. I think the move for it is good. My stress level goes up and down; Fernando's is high but he always seems on edge – he should eat heart healthy foods.

I need to make all of the stuff I have been doing work for me. As Karen tells me I have to think big, show it off. I think I was taught to minimize my accomplishments to avoid seeming arrogant. Modesty does not get you a job out here… unless maybe you're a nun. Exaggeration seems to actually. No, no, no… "Positive representation".

That's all for the moment. Back to work.

Delayed Teen Angst Opening

The opening to our Webisodes.

Music by Nate Lee, Robert James Lee, Matt Wasmund.

Look at the attractive actors Tristan, Fernando, and Amy!

The dangers of coffee and Rockstars

Rockstar drinks. I wouldn't start rumors about a saintly group of people.

Nearing 1am. Why doesn't sleep come easily when I have such a limited amount of time for it? It should be there and waiting for me by maybe 12am.

Casting this weekend. Always casting. Couldn't Fernando's protagonist live in a world of rocks with chalk-drawn faces? Must he make my life hell?

He doesn't…

And can't…

At the moment…

I have an idea for a film with a very small cast… two men will be very angry with me. ;p

I begin every project asking myself, "Who do I need to get even with?"

I'm at the first time of my life where I actually feel compelled to share a feeling; a near mythical and illusive one.

I won't.

Goodnight.

Again

I’ve been commanded… advised. And so I shall follow orders.

Today are Jefferson pickup shots. Due to hectic schedules and camera use they are being done two months later… which would have been fine except we have an actor trapped out of the country. We are now shooting around him. If someone can be creative enough to do this I know it is Karen… but what a pain in the ass. Really. I thought maybe a cardboard cut out would work… or maybe in post we can draw in a stick figure to represent him. We have time to just blow up a picture of him and then wave it a bit back and forth to try and show “life”.

I am going to suggest this last one. Even to the extreme that we cut out eye holes in a photo to show realistic blinking. Soft focus shots, poor lighting. We shall overcome this set back.

I’ve been writing unwelcome poetry again. It is the best kind. You get the most emotion from things that are not desired. Casual acceptance of the poetry is not fun. “I swear to God, stop writing it!” is more heartfelt than “Thank you.”

Ugh.

When you do a lot you have little to say. I believe this. Blogging endlessly is like a need to prove you have some excuse to exist. I’m going to start blogging more.

Though my words are often dark.. I have been having positive feelings for some time. I want to throw the world off guard. But let me be honest now… things are good. Things will continue to get better.

Uhhh

What can I say about my neglect of this place?
People email to say they’ve read my blog… but they don’t leave comments. There is no proof. I need more validation. They won’t leave comments after I write that either.
On Wednesdays I now work for Fernando. He has promised to present me with my money in a white envelope; I hope they are unmarked bills.
“The Grover Complex” goes well, it goes slowly, but it goes well. Producing is different. That’s what I will say about it. The movie is shooting at the end of August. We’re approaching some places for money this week; they’d better cough it up.
Our webisode series, “Delayed Teen Angst” will soon be up and running. I say this often but this time it will. Our opening is on Youtube now. Yes.
“Jefferson” will get some pickup shots soon. We’ll have our entire feature shot. Exciting shit.
So, I’ll now have my name attached to three projects that will be available for public viewing.
I am getting a Google presence... which is all that matters.

Triumphing over sperm

My friend sent me a text message on Mother's Day. It was a "Happy Not Mother's Day" note. Indeed, it is happy. I patted my abdomen and smiled at the hollow sound it made.

I got to thinking, as I often do, just how much of a winner I truly am. How much sperm is in each ejaculation… how often have I had sex… let's not do any numbers here. BUT, I've thwarted their sinister purpose every single time. I am a champion. With the help of contraception I am a sperm slayer!!!

Know this----

There is no prize waiting for you in my fallopian tubes… only DEATH.

A much needed update

How busy I have been.

We're in the final stretch for the feature… for those with money burning a hole in their pocket you can still make a donation. ;)

http://www.moctod.com/jefferson/

Without Karen's collaboration and previous draft and outline we never would have had another one written so quickly. It's been a mad dash but so much fun.

Casting is finally completed, we've had rehearsals, tweaks, I don't know what else. My brain is fried. The end of April and early May will be final touches and shooting. I'll be balancing work and visiting the set. The dream of course would be to forget work for two weeks but that is impossible.

Someday this will be work full time. That's what you tell yourself.

Still working 60 hours a week, plus feature work. Caffeine is a good friend.

I want to write a poem for caffeine but like I stated earlier, my brain is fried. I can't even be clever right now.

I felt I should update though.

Yes… yes.

What have I done?!

I've so often been told that my turtle, Umberlee, seems lonely in her tank… alone. I think people assume too much.

Finally though, after realizing that her tank had not been cleaned in some time, I journeyed to Petco to buy her a new filter, new gravel, a new fake plastic plant, a decorative rock, and THREE GOLDFISH.

I walked around the shop looking at fish. There were fish with big, bulging eyes; sword-like tails; vacuum cleaner mouths; calico scales; all sorts of fabulous little creatures. I decided on the 26 cent goldfish. Something told me that this was a good price. I asked for three big goldfish, ones that looked sturdy and strong of heart. I got them.

After putting Umberlee into the sink and avoiding her threatening little beak I made her tank beautiful. The new gravel is white and it looks very nice with the bright green and blue rocks already in the tank. The decorative rock and new plastic plant were also a nice touch. I put Umberlee back in and introduced her friends. There were no formal introductions. They all swam around... in harmony.

I went to clean my room. I came back an hour later to find one goldfish gone. "How did this fish jump out of a covered tank?" I wondered aloud to myself. I looked for its little corpse but could not find it. That's when I first suspected. Umberlee watched me, looking bloated, looking smug.

I reasoned with myself, "Those fish were quite large, she cannot possibly eat another, and the weakest one is out of the way."

I left and went to do laundry as it was a Sunday.

When I returned I fell to my knees… there was only one left.

"What the hell is your problem?" I screamed at the turtle.

"I'm omnivorous." She mouthed to me through the glass.

I looked at the last fish, I felt happy that goldfish only have memories of three seconds, no one needs to relive what that fish saw.

"You're a fighter," I told the fish, "there is a reason you are the last one left. You will grow to be strong."

I went to the store.

There are no fish left. No trace. They left no mark. The filter likely removed any flesh or scales that once belonged to them.

Life has a memory of three seconds.

What will I do with this goldfish food?

…NEVER FORGET…

The Latest

I have hit the quarter century mark. I hit it gently. I’m closer to 22... Still… really… yes.

Mia’s birthday was a few days before mine and we all went bowling to celebrate both. It was atomic bowling, glow-in-the-dark balls and shoes. Rock music. It was a fun time. I bowled terribly. I haven’t been bowling in such a while. I used to hurl that ball rather well so that pins looked at me with mild irritation, this time they couldn’t get a read on my manic attacks.

Mia can now drink legally, she wasn’t super excited about the big 21, the cultural backwardness of Sweden has ruined this moment, or maybe the conservatism of America?

No, it’s not our fault.

Mike bowled passably until he and Fernando were hit on by a gay man near a bar. This ruined Mike’s mojo and there was no hope of recovery after this. I’m sure Mike left the alley with the express purpose of finding some hot chick.

Life is still good. My friends and I are working hard on projects and still making a go of it here in L.A. We manage, we do well. We’re still here because I believe we are meant to be.

Ah, and so, several weekends ago, we shot all six webisodes at a breakneck pace with a two person crew. The plan originally was to shoot three but we finished the three on the first day and had the equipment out for another. We figured, “Why the hell not?” and so we asked our actors to memorize the three last episodes overnight.
Karen handled the camera, lighting, shots… everything but sound which I did. I held the boom. It was quite fun. My arms hurt, Karen’s arms hurt, Fernando, Amy and Tristan were all exhausted… but we’re done! …Until we get the funding for moreJ Positive thoughts, friends.
The casting truly was perfect. They had an understanding of their characters and delivered their lines like a dream. What more could one ask for?
Karen continues to plug away at editing and the website. My cousin Robert and brother Matt are hopefully providing us with some music, making this a well produced and fun little series.
I will let everyone know when it is up.
Now I’m working on a feature film for Karen. It’s Karen’s idea and story. I am racing to finish a draft by the end of this week, It will be fabulous to have participated in a feature! Fernando will once again be a member of the cast. What is a Claire written project without Fernie? I’ll keep people updated on this too. We begin filming at the end of February!!!
We had the screenwriting class over a few weekends ago. It was nice to see Mia, Chad, Edwin, Fernando and Mike again. We laughed, had some treats, had some drinks, and told old stories. Everyone seems to be doing very well and that is good to see.
Things are pretty fun right now, albeit busy with working about 60 hours a week and writing in my spare time… but it will all pay off. I’m feeling pretty confident that things will pay off.

More battles with sincerity

Fight on.

Sincerity is boring and there are more creative ways to say something without actually, completely saying it.

Do not limit me.

X-MAS

Ah, Christmas time. Even through my persevering lack of Christianity, I do enjoy X-Mas. This year was my first Christmas away from home, which was sad. It was made easier, however, by spending time with my fabulous friend and roommate, Tiffany. I wasn't bombarded with the constant, "feel sorry for me, I hate X-Mas, I need to ruin everything" negativity I had to deal with in L.A. last season. We made fun little plans and had Tiffany's uncle and his friend over for the holiday.

Tiffany and I made a turkey, which turned out wonderfully! We also made mashed potatoes, artichoke dip, salad and white chocolate peppermint cheesecake. Tiff's uncle brought homemade Mac and Cheese.

We decorated the apartment with stockings and lights. This table cloth we got on sale at Target added 5 years (in a good way) to our apartment. Even with the sun streaming through the window and the lack of snow there were moments when you did realize the fact that it was the end of December; a cold month.

I've been cold. But it shames me to mention it.

My family had a nice X-Mas it seems. They had 25 people over and did their traditional gift exchange. I've been promised pictures.

Other than that, things have been fine. We shoot our webisode the 11^th. Fernando insists there is a way to make it an actual TV-show, but I still have yet to see that. Not because I don't like it… I don't know. Short little bits, short and tasty little bits is the way I always saw it, so it's hard to change my view.

Again, things are good here. Still waiting for some things to come in the mail, but that is pretty common this time of year.

Me, online

Woe is me and possibly you…

Why such a down and dramatic title? Ah, pity me, pity me. This is how I do seek your attention for I have nothing else to offer other than my tragedy.

No. That's not moi…

I'm basically moved. There were some snags; things that shan't be mentioned. The new place is gorgeous and this makes me smile. The muscles that work a smile are sore from lack of use. You can fake it but sincere ones use more than half smiles partly pulled up with fingers.

If I say to the doctor, "I am not pregnant" and they still make me take a pregnancy test, should I be offended? I think so. I'm pissed. I want revenge.

Wood floors are wonderful. Sunlight is great. I think Angel the vampire was suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder because he couldn't go outside. He should have bought one of those lamps that make the fake sunlight. Poor guy; his brooding could have been stopped.

I'm not pregnant, happy to say. I knew this already. Could have saved the lab some time…

The end.

Have you seen this girl?

Last seen in Van Wert, Ohio in 1994.
Some witnesses speculate that Taryn was abducted - only to discover she was actually home. Others believe her love of video games encouraged her to move under the earth to beat the Zelda and Final Fantasy series without interruption.
Still, the most common theory is that she was deemed "too beautiful to look upon" by the out-of-work gods of Greek mythology and taken up.
The most outlandish claims place her in L.A., in the land of "beautiful people". These witnesses were given a tox screen...

Eugene and the Sun Tanned Dragons

Or, more conveniently abbreviated to "The STD's" as Robert pointed out. Thanks Robert.

My band.

This band was started in Minnesota in my 17^th/18^th year of life. It has never actually performed… with me in it. Matt stole the name once and had the nerve to invite me to the show.
The plan originally was to perform at the talent show. I invited in Staubs, Asli, Nicole and Caroline I think. Oh, and Becky and Amy. They all invited in more friends until the band reached around 17 people… I then disbanded the band. The purposely hideous lyrics I had written were not meant to be sung by a chorus; it would have been like too many people telling a joke and then the joke gets lost and gets irritating. No, Caroline, myself and Asli were going to sing, Staubs would do the drums, Becky on the trumpet, Amy on the flute, Caroline doing some guitar as well, and Nicole was going to stand in between two cardboard cut outs of dragons and represent the male name of Eugene. Terrible, but in a good way.

Now the thought is to bring back the STD's with Robert, Matt and me. Robert would like his stage name to be "Flameshine Syphilis". I don't know what mine will be, Moonpower Crabs? I'll let Matt come up with his own, though I like "Starbright Chlamydia".

I've already picked out the album cover:

What genre of music are we going to perform? Why can't we tackle them all? Tackle them all and mush them together in a body bag.

Things are swell

I haven't posted here in a bit...

I am excited to report that I have a new place to live and a new roommate. We move in December 1^st to the lovely land of Sherman Oaks. We've got wood floors, ample closet space, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, air conditioner in each room and living room, brand new stove, dishwasher and built in microwave… all for more than my mother pays on her house. Ah, California. If we are allowed to paint then I am going to paint; grand, grand plans.

I signed for this myself, which was a big deal considering mother has been managing student loans and other expenses since I was a wee one. Sure, I got the place on my own in Duluth… but that is Duluth. The L.A. area is not as friendly and not as inclined to give you a place based on your vibe. I got this based on credit, more concrete than my vibe. The sites to check credit are more reliable, you don't run across many apartment complexes with a staff palm reader.

Tiffany, my roommate to be, has been getting me out more. I went to a great party with Middle Eastern food last night. There was fun music with some Jewish folk dances. I danced, good for me. Tiffany told me I had to dance because I "looked like those people". This is also why I am going to start taking Spanish lessons because I occasionally "look like some of those people too"?

My current book is moving along well. Things are rather positive here. My mom may fly out for the next weekend to help me pack and get ready. It will be nice to see her again, especially since I am not sure if I will have time home for X-Mas if I switch jobs.

Right, personal update blogs always seem so clumsy to me. I've fulfilled my obligations of talking about me. I promise to post something completely unrelated next.

Omnia mors aequat

I lost a friend today. I am aware that this friend was a bad influence, but it doesn't make the pain any less. It was my choice to put caffeinated grinds in there, I could have gone the decaf route, I did not want to. My pal here paid for my overuse.
I love you. There is no doubt in my mind that I loved you and still love you.
I love you.

Dreams

My dreams reveal so much to me. I am the powerful sorceress my ego tells me I am, just only while unconscious.

Last night, I spoke with dragons, gold dragons and their red brother. Some of you know that red dragons are evil but this brother hadn't been told that and thought he just looked a bit different. The dragons were the last line of defense against golems and wraiths. They were the last line of defense… along with me. My brother Matt was there to punch the baddies, but he apparently does not have the magical abilities that I have. The dragons and I chilled in a cave while Matt fought for his life. They were good times.

My fingers and toes do tingle quite a bit during the day, I thought they were just falling asleep, but in reality they are recharging for another night of battling evil.

Not a Martyr

There is this overdramatic breed of woman that just turns my stomach and causes me to feel anxiety. Everything is a tragedy, everything is a big deal, every act they do takes them one step closer to martyrdom. Please… get there… and shut up.

So, without my coffee or Rockstar, I do get a bit on the lackadaisical side. Yes, sometimes I scurry about full of unease… but these are special times. What is the lifespan of these women mentioned above? They'll bemoan this fact too, but they won't seek to change it because it would give them something less to complain about.

Woe, woe is the day they are not pitied or paid some mind to because these are the days we all pity ourselves for having to hear it.

A sacrifice is not a sacrifice if you sing out the details loud enough for everyone to try and come to your aid. "Poor me! Poor me!" is not the battle cry of the hero you claim to be.