The shock of discovering your pet is not the sex you thought

This happened quite a while ago, but the surprise and shame still lingers. I think it's best to talk about it.

We, my roomie Margherite and I, found our little turtle, Leroy, in our parking space back in October. Leroy was fighting for its life in a dirty little tank where it had been left, surely to die, in its own filth. Leroy was and still is a fighter and while it was weakened from its own excrement it recovered quickly thanks to clean water and tasty turtle food.

A creature fond of biting and privacy, it was difficult to determine Leroy's true sex. Eventually, because Margherite and I are women and because my cat, Spiffy, despite her surgery, is a little woman, we decided we wanted a male influence in the apartment. Leroy was christened, "Leroy". Leroy was a man.

Many people scoffed at this choice. "The sex of an animal is not determined this way." Screw you. I think it's better than drawing choices out of a hat. Lame. Especially when you have but two options.

Finally, while having friends over for a party, one buddy of mine questioned the sex of Leroy once again. I turned to the internet to silence these irritants called, "curious bystanders". Alas, I should have just left it alone. Based on the shape of Leroy's shell and the size of its claws Leroy was in fact a woman.

How was I to know besides taking the time to be responsible and do research? I was waiting for tampon requests or tiny training bras floating in the tank. None of this ever happened. It's not my fault Leroy decided to keep her puberty a secret.

But, I can't blame all of this on the turtle. I can blame half of it on Margherite… which I will do.

The effect it has had on me has been quite profound. Even though Spiffy the cat was spayed I took the time to check her once or twice to make sure I was not deceived. I can report that Spiffy is still a girl; at least I didn't screw up there. As far as I can tell, Leroy doesn't have a lot of gender confusion. Turtles can't style hair or wear clothes that identify them as one sex or another; I picked a good animal to mess up on.

Leroy's name has been changed to Leroy Anne, I think it's pretty. It's a strong name with a feminine touch, something a guy turtle might compose a poem for. I suppose I'll be more adept at handling future problems Leroy Anne might face, and for that I am grateful her sex chromosomes came about the way they did. Everything that makes my life easier is a positive.

You have certainly improved with your sex change little Leroy Anne. Bravo.