I lost a friend today. I am aware that this friend was a bad influence, but it doesn't make the pain any less. It was my choice to put caffeinated grinds in there, I could have gone the decaf route, I did not want to. My pal here paid for my overuse. My dreams reveal so much to me. I am the powerful sorceress my ego tells me I am, just only while unconscious.
Last night, I spoke with dragons, gold dragons and their red brother. Some of you know that red dragons are evil but this brother hadn't been told that and thought he just looked a bit different. The dragons were the last line of defense against golems and wraiths. They were the last line of defense… along with me. My brother Matt was there to punch the baddies, but he apparently does not have the magical abilities that I have. The dragons and I chilled in a cave while Matt fought for his life. They were good times.
My fingers and toes do tingle quite a bit during the day, I thought they were just falling asleep, but in reality they are recharging for another night of battling evil.
There is this overdramatic breed of woman that just turns my stomach and causes me to feel anxiety. Everything is a tragedy, everything is a big deal, every act they do takes them one step closer to martyrdom. Please… get there… and shut up.
So, without my coffee or Rockstar, I do get a bit on the lackadaisical side. Yes, sometimes I scurry about full of unease… but these are special times. What is the lifespan of these women mentioned above? They'll bemoan this fact too, but they won't seek to change it because it would give them something less to complain about.
Woe, woe is the day they are not pitied or paid some mind to because these are the days we all pity ourselves for having to hear it.
A sacrifice is not a sacrifice if you sing out the details loud enough for everyone to try and come to your aid. "Poor me! Poor me!" is not the battle cry of the hero you claim to be.
For those of you who don't want details of Mask of the Betrayer revealed to you then do not read this entry:
I feel loss. After journeying from level 1 to level 20 with several special friends I had hoped to continue a long relationship with them. Sure, the ending of Neverwinter Nights 2 was sad… the roof collapsed… everyone presumed dead – but I still had HOPE! That hope was destroyed upon playing the expansion.
They're dead. They are dead. Yeah, I know. Ammon lives… Khelgar lives… Neeshka, maybe? Sand, maybe? Grobnar – GONE. My love interest, Cassivir, broke his back, DEAD. Others, M.I.A – presumed dead. 40 some hours of game play causes you to get attached to people. It wasn't even their fight, it was my fight.
My survivor's guilt has really got a stranglehold at the moment.
I would have preferred their company to the new batch of NPCs I was forced to journey with in MOTB. Just because you go epic doesn't mean you have to lose all fun. The few bits of humor actually came from mention of the original NPCs. My character is going through a difficult time, fatally cursed, and she's not given her trusty support group?! No one understands her pain; she's got to waste game time to explain past history! At least in BG2 you've got friends from the first game who are there at your side to help you through your journey of self discovery and possible self loathing, imagine if Minsc and Boo had not been there? Nothing here. I had to start from scratch and that wasn't fair, that's stressful. And at the end, sure, the originals are mentioned again, briefly, but we get no movies with them! They don't talk to us; there is no emotional reunion with my character's foster father. So unsatisfying.
I want to send out some love to my former companions since my in game character seemed to airbrush them from her memory! Sand, you were my favorite, thanks for the wit and proving me innocent at my murder trial. Shandra, thank you for bleeding to death in order to free the demons and devils so we could defeat Ammon and ultimately have him replace you. Grobnar, thanks for the songs, thanks for your spunk, the Wendersnaven, thanks for building that golem. Bishop, thanks for your cruel honesty; sometimes we all have to make hard decisions. Zhaeve, thanks for being a good listener and knowing so much. Elanee, you were pretty dull but I thank you for being so because it balanced out the party. Neeshka, you were so much more than a tiefling – you were a rogue too. Khelgar, thanks for your loyalty, thanks for being the stereotypical dwarf we all come to expect. Qara, what can I say except I actually forgot to mention you in here the first time I wrote it. Ammon, thanks for hastening Shandra's death, it made the moment more poignant. Cassivir, thank you for being chivalrous and hopefully a good lay for my character, Gann in MOTB wasn't as dear to me as you – even though my character married him; he caught me on the rebound.
All the best my friends. All the best.
