For a while I thought that karma was unable to operate in the entertainment industry. I think it's hindered but it can pop up now and then. Money can beat it down, or bribe it perhaps. Drugs can block it out. A lot of sociopaths don't notice when karma's giving them a kick in the ass, so those who deserve to get the righteous (sadistic) joy from it miss out.

I can feel it sometimes. Some burst of desperation from some place other than my own mind or some sigh of defeat when my mouth is closed. I wonder who it's from. I, like most people, have been terribly wronged once or twice or more. More.

I don't actively seek any one of those people's downfalls. I've stopped waiting for it too. Revenge requires too much effort. I'll find out about it months later, (but then, of course, it's still new to me which equals still nice).

If I don't cause it then I can enjoy it without guilt. Arguments?

My thought for how some people keep karma away for longer periods of time than they deserve is the skillful art of playing the victim. When I came to CA I gathered several friends who did just that. For the longest time they were roommates/close friends of mine. My heart ached for them, these wronged people whom life seemed to shit on. This wasn't their fault, that wasn't their fault, life was out to get them, so and so was out to get them, Mommy was mean, Daddy went away, classmates ignored them, no one respected them, friends stole their money, la di da. You get the picture.

Pretty soon, not surprisingly, as I became suspicious or just too tired to be tolerant I began to wrong them. I was mean, I left them out, I took their money (that I had lent to them by the by), I did this, I did that, I did things I have no idea that I did.

I'm not an angel but I'm not incapable of taking honest stock of my actions.

The worst thing, as I go back over my constantly victimized friends' lists of victimization, is that I actually have had worse things happen to me. Things that aren't open to interpretation or in any way could be my fault. I don't talk about them. Some of my close friends don't even know about them and I like it that way, I hate getting pity over those events. But, for several years, I surrounded myself with people who milked pity from every tragic teat, no matter how tiny.

That brings me back to the karma. I think wannabe victims can throw karma off. I think karma hovers around them and waits… and thinks about moving in… but can't because how do you hit someone who works so hard to be mistreated with more mistreatment, however deserved? Their bluff throws karma off.

I have many friends who deserve to have good things happen to them and some of them are getting it and some of them are not. I'm not sure why the ones who aren't getting it are getting shafted. I tell myself that things are coming for them soon but I don't know if they are or not.

I am lucky that good things have continued to stay in motion for Fernando and myself. Is it as fast as I want? No. But it's not stopped, which is more than some are experiencing right now. I know we will get there. And nothing has gone badly for either one of us. Certain things have looked bad but have almost magically turned around or have become conveniently obsolete.

So for my friends, I ask karma for a little consideration. For those not on my good listed… I'm not asking and don't tell me.

But I will find out.